Sunday Night Chit Chat: Odds & Ends

Hey Humble Readers...

Well, where did that week go?  Hmmm....

AF has been and gone, and kicked my ass in the process.  The old witch brought a particularly nasty IBS flare along with her that made going for my walks, or anywhere else for that matter, fairly impossible.  Even with AF around, and only being able to get half of my usual walks in, I still managed to lose a couple more pounds this week.  Woohoo!  (Take that jackass who hollered 'hey fatty!' at me today in the mall parking lot)

Summer is most certainly here on the flatland.  Once the rains stopped last week we started hitting the crazy hot summer temps (30C, feels like 36C.  That's hot for us anyway) that make the hobbit-hole more than a little uncomfortable.  I do love this time of year though for one reason... it's daylight from five in the morning until ten at night.  The joys of living this far north!  The only down side to having this much daylight means that the fireworks for Canada Day tomorrow don't get started until 11:30 at night.  Rather prohibitive given that we have two wee-lings and my Beloved has to work the next day. 

I'm hesitant to say this just yet, but my black thumb may be turning the teensiest bit green.  I planted two basil plants, three thyme, two lavender, and one gerbera daisy in pots out on the balcony and so far about half of them are doing pretty good.  The basil (my nemesis) is doing really well, as is the thyme.  The lavender is fading, but I honestly think I got a couple of bum plants to start with.  I had thought the gerbera was a goner, but it seems to be perking up.  Overall, 50% is a marked improvement.  Last year when I planted basil, it completely died within two weeks of potting it, and I won't even remind you about my tomato harvest of last year.  

I finished watching the first season of Game of Thrones.  Loved it!!  I'm not sure that I'll read the books, as my to-read list is immense right now, but I won't rule it out sometime down the road.  I'm a little bummed right now though, because I'm 25th on the hold list for season 2 from the library.  They have two copies, with another on order, but it will be a while yet before I get to watch it. 

And because I'm a royalist, I feel I need to put this out there.  My predictions for the Duchess of Cambridge's wee-ling:  The baby will be born on July 15th, will be a relatively little baby (7lbs-ish), will be a girl, and she will be named Victoria (with the names Diana, Elizabeth, and some form of Carol as middle names).  IF by chance it's a boy, his name will be Arthur (with Phillip, Charles, and George as middle names).  What are your predictions?

Anywho, on to this week's chit chat.  Here's what I'm...

Reading...  Still reading Paris by Rutherfurd.  Loving it!  Just taking a while to get through because I've been so tired this past week.  After  I'm done with Paris, I'll be moving on to the sequel to The Devil Wears Prada (can't remember what it's called just now).  My to-read list is getting a little out control, so I have to get moving.

Watching...  Nothing at the moment, but tonight my Beloved and I will be watching "The Great Escape" (an old war movie... Beloved got it for Father's Day).  I'll be recording a couple of regular Sunday night shows (Food Network Star and Whodunit) for later in the week. 

Listening to... my Beloved reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom to Ginny. 

Cooking/Baking... Oh Humble Readers!  The hobbit hole smells divine!  Tonight we are having BBQ pulled pork sandwiches with cole slaw.  I've got the pork doing it's thing in the slow cooker (the oven will not be getting turned on this week at all!) and it's all I can do to not dive into it right now.  It smells sooooooooo good!

Happy I accomplished this week...  Purged the wee-lings' dressers and closet, and sold $18 worth of it to the local kids consignment store (donated the rest to a thrift store).  Got the wee-lings swim suits.  Found some sugar-free, lactose-free chocolate ice cream bars that are only 5 grams of carbs each and they taste good!  Put together the list of to do's for the hobbit hole in preparation for listing it (hopefully next summer?  maybe?). 

Looking forward to next week...  Taking the wee-lings to the splash park tomorrow.  Going through my hoarder-esque stack of magazines. 

Thankful for this week... That we have fans that work hard to cool the hobbit-hole.  That I get the privilege to live in this beautiful country.  Even with it's flaws, I wouldn't choose to live anywhere else. 

***Bonus Question*** What was your very *first* real job?  Other than babysitting, which I hated, my first job was at a small town pizza restaurant as a dishwasher and as the restaurant's costumed mascot.  Yup, I dressed up in a bear costume and did kids' birthday parties and stood out on the corner sweltering in the summer sun waving at the passing cars.  I was even in a couple of parades.  And it was supposed to be a big secret about who was in the bear costume, so I could never tell my friends what I was doing.  I worked there when I was 12-13.  I made pretty good money for a preteen in the 80s.  $10/hour when I was the bear, $5/hour when I was dishwashing. 

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This was posted as a part of Carla's Sunday Night Chit Chat.  Click on over and see what the others are chatting about tonight. 

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: Spring in the Shire

Howdy Humble Readers...

I'm hoping that you're all doing well, wherever you are.  I haven't been commenting much lately, but I do promise to improve that, and please know that I am reading and following what's up in your parts of the world!

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Spring has sprung in the Shire.  Finally!!  Warmer temps are here most days, and it feels good to be able to have the windows and doors open on the hobbit-hole.  I confess, I did have to turn the furnace back on yesterday (if it had just been me, I would have just put on a couple of sweaters and sucked it up, but the wee-lings were cold and that changes everything).  Another sign of spring... my snow mold allergy has kicked in.  Oh well.  It means that summer will get here eventually. 

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I have had a miniscule interlude of single parenting.  My Beloved had to go out of town for work (to be on-site at the part of the company that he does the accounting for... does that make sense?).  He has been gone one night, but I sure do miss him.  He should be home in the next hour or so, and I'm very glad.  I really don't know how the multitude of single parents out there do it, and do it well. 

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For the last couple of days, my morning workout has consisted of doing workout videos (can't go for my walk and leave the wee-lings at home alone, and if I don't do it early in the morning, it just doesn't happen).  I've realized just what it is about workout videos that I don't like.  The host/trainer.  The fake cheerleading/encouragement/patronizing commentary.  It gets on my nerves and makes me want to spew a string of expletives at the screen.  I'm going to have to get past it, though.  Because once there's snow on the ground again in the fall, I'm not going to be able to go for walks.  Any good recommendations?

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INPUT NEEDED: Plans for wee little Pip's birthday party are coming together.  I'm struggling with the menu though.  We are doing a beach/surf's up theme party, and for the life of me I can't decide on what to serve.  I have the cake figured out, but other than that, I'm hooped.  I've been toying with the idea of shrimp or fish mini-tacos, but I'm not sure.  It's an afternoon party, so it doesn't need to be too much in the way of food, but I still want something yummy and beachy.  Any thoughts?

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Something I'm pondering today... can diabetes have an affect on my cycle?  And vice-versa?  For the last few months, AF has been, well, odd.  I start getting cramps about 3 days before she actually shows up.  I was fully expecting her to show up on Sunday, because I had wicked cramps for a few hours (needed my heating pad).  The cramps died down a bit, but she didn't actually make an appearance until today.  Odd.  And my sugars, which had been going in the right direction, yesterday jumped up for no apparent reason.  Hmmmm...

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Well, I have to go get to work on supper.  Crock pot beef with broccoli on brown rice, with broccoli slaw.  Yummy!

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: The No-Good-Very-Bad Week

Hey Humble Readers...

I totally didn't intend to fall off the face of the earth this week.  But circumstances alter cases, and here I am.  About the only good thing about this week has been the weather... lots of sunshine and warmer temps.  When I say warmer, I mean that we are actually hanging out around the freezing mark. 

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Hard on the heels of the yeast beast (which was something I would be super thankful to NEVER EVER have to deal with again), AF showed up.  She was a couple of days early.  I'm wondering if the yeast infection or perhaps the meds contributed to her early arrival.  And yes, she was her usual bitchy self.

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GG is going downhill very quickly.  My aunt flew from Manitoba to K-town this morning.  Mom has been basically living at the nursing home.  We aren't anticipating that she will make it through another week.  We have looked into the cost of flying, but given that we now have to pay for a full price ticket for Ginny, it would be about $1200 and then having to pay for a rental car while we're out there.  It looks like when GG passes we'll be driving, which my Beloved isn't thrilled with the idea.  12 hours through the mountains in the winter.  Not going to be a fun trip. 

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Pippin has been teething hard this week.  But at least we are seeing some results.  He cut his fifth tooth last night. 

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So, remember how we just got my lousy Dell computer back from the repair guys, just a couple of weeks ago?  Well, I had just gotten all my programs reloaded, downloaded and organized all my photos from picasa, and reset all my bookmarks.  Then yesterday happened...

Ginny spilled water on my laptop.  Or rather, she caused me to spill water on my laptop.  I had just sat down on the couch with a full glass of water, my laptop open beside me.  I was looking at Pip and didn't see her dashing over to plow into me.  The glass in my hand went sideways, and about a third of it landed on my laptop keyboard.  I had to disentangle myself from Ginny before I could attempt to do damage control and I think that was my downfall.  I managed to power the computer down, but the screen had already gone black and I heard some of those sickening crackling sounds.  I left it to dry out overnight, and when I tried it this morning it worked for a minute or two before it crackled again and crashed.  The question before us now is do we dump another bunch of money into having it repaired for a third time in the last 10 months, or do we write it off and try to figure out how to work a new one into our budget. 

In the interim, I'm using my Beloved's new laptop when he's not home.  It's a tad frustrating because it runs windows 8 (not bad, just different) and a differently laid out keyboard (the shift key is tiny!). 

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I want to leave you with something to make you smile, seeing as all the rest of this has been pretty whiney. 

Ginny & Shadow-Girl

 

One thing I forgot to include in my January post about Ginny was her relationship with her "Shadow-girl".  She first discovered her shadow last summer when the evening sun would shine through our kitchen, but as the summer faded, so did shadow-girl.  Around Christmas time, Ginny found her shadow-girl again, this time on our dining room wall, and started talking to her.  Usually just about her toys or dinner, but it became fairly common.  Then she started giving her shadow-girl smooches and hugs.  She's tried to show Pip his shadow-boy, but he's just not interested.  

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: Back In Action

Howdy Humble Readers!

I'm baaaaaack!

Beauregard the computer was finally returned to me last night, after I had to go into the computer store/repair shop and raise holy heck, and then had to call to speak with the manager.  Needless to say, I won't be going back there again and I'm going to make sure that everyone I know hears about their crappy customer service.  Three and a half weeks for a virus clean up was ridiculous!

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During my absence from the blogosphere, the Shire received its first snowfall of the year.  Yeah, it was earlier than any of us would have liked, but considering how easy we had it last winter, I'm not surprised.  Thankfully, it didn't stick around and we're back to seasonal temps for the moment.  It is forecasted to get pretty chilly this weekend (daytime highs of around freezing), but so long as the snow stays away until after Halloween, I'll try to be ok with things.

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One thing that is always a battle at this time of year is when to turn on the furnace.  I confess, I'm a miser when it comes to the utility bills, and the longer we can go without running the furnace the happier I am.  Not to mention the noise... living in a small condo with its own forced air furnace means that you hear all the furnace noises.  The longer I can go without that aggravation is a victory.  I'm hoping to get through to the end of the month before I have to turn it on, so that means we are bundling up a bit more in the house.  Despite my hobbit-ish tendencies, I'm wearing socks on a regular basis, we're all wearing more sweaters or long sleeved shirts, and Ginny has an extra blanket on her bed. 

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I've gotten a really good start on my Christmas shopping (thanks in large part to a bogo sale at Toys R Us).  The wee-lings are almost done and I actually have some really good ideas for what to get my Beloved this year.  He's normally so hard to buy for.  Now I just need to figure out my homemade gifts for the people at my Beloved's office. 

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My Beloved has had a couple of job interviews in the past few weeks, but no good results.  His experiences at those interviews solidified our conviction that the only way doors are going to open for him is if he gets his accounting designation.  So, we bit the bullet and he's now enrolled in the CGA program.  He needs to take 15 courses!  And he can only take one at a time. Yikes!  I'm in the process of trying to find out if there's any grants that he might qualify for to help with the cost.  We're taking this step on faith, in hopes that even just being enrolled will help move him up the queue for some of these job openings.  Who knows, maybe he'll get hired by a company who will help pay for his courses.

*****
AF is here, and she's kicking my ass again.  I just keep hoping that things will go back to the way they were before.  After Ginny was born, and my cycle came back, things were pretty much the same as they had been for most of my 30s, cramps on cd1 and cd5 with a fairly moderate flow.  After Pip, things are much heavier, and cramps are non-stop from beginning to end.  They aren't like the cramps I had in my teens and 20s (needed rx muscle relaxers to help control them), but I'm living on ty.lenol to get through. 

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Well, lunch time approaches, and I've got a little girl here who's saying she's 'hun-geee'.  I'm looking forward to getting caught up with you all.  Hopefully I'll get a chance to read some blogs this afternoon while my wee sweet girl naps. 

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: Odds & Sods

Hey Humble Readers...

Thunderstorms appear to be weather du jour.  We've had some major downpours over the last few days, and honestly I'm loving it.  After the heat wave we had before we went on vacation and the desert heat in K-town last week, I was so ready for some cooler temps.  Ginny has been enthralled by the heavy cloud bursts and the thunder.

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AF has shown up, and I confess she's kicking my ass.  All those women in my life who told me that cramps get better or at least easier to deal with after you have kids are lying sacks of dragon poop.  I'm in a lot of pain here, and tyl.enol isn't touching it.  Ugh.

*****
In other cycle-related news... last week I experienced the epitome of irony.  I had what I can only describe as the most incredible, copious EWCM.  Seriously, I have never EVER experienced anything like it.  I was always one of those women who had to do internal checks for CM in order to catch the scant amount of the good stuff I would get.  This was immense, and it lasted for two days.  Now, when our family building days are over I get enough to sink a battleship. 

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While we were in K-town, I saw a couple of movies, and they were polar opposites.  First, I went to see "Magic Mike" with my Mom and my sister.  While it was entertaining, and certainly drool-worthy, it had the crappiest script I've ever seen in a movie.  Honestly, I think they were ad libbing most of it.  Channing Tatum is lovely to look at, but this movie certaily didn't do anything to prove his acting chops.  I suspect that it will be up for a dozen Razzie awards next winter. 

The second movie I went to see was an incredible contrast. My Beloved and I had a date night while in K-town, our first since Pippin was born.  "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" was incredibly sweet, moving, and so beautifully acted by some of the best actors of the age.   Anytime you can combine Maggie Smith, Judi Dench, Tom Wilkinson, Bill Nighy, and Penelope Wilton (yes... Cousin Matthew's mother from Downton Abbey!) you get sheer genius.  If you haven't seen this movie, please do yourself a favour and go see it.

*****
We're planning on taking the wee-lings to a street performers festival this weekend.  Seeing as it's basically free, I'm hoping that it will be entertaining for all of us.  I want to expose Ginny to as many different fun, cultural, and educational experiences as I can.  With our budgetary constraints, anytime I can find something free, I have to give it a shot.

*****
If you are a praying type person, please send out some prayers for my Beloved.  He's getting frustrated with his job search.  He's in a tough spot right now.  While he's been applying for a ton of different positions, so far there have only been a couple of nibbles that would be a step backward for him or would require us to move which isn't an option at this point. 

He's sort of in a limbo area in terms of his qualifications.  He's worked for years as an accountant and a controller.  He's got far more experience than your run of the mill bookkeeper, and yet he doesn't have the accounting designations (like a CGA) to back it up.  A lot of job listings have said that relevant experience will be considered in lieu of having a designation, but he's just not getting the calls.  The obvious solution is to get him designated (there's a few courses he needs to take), but that costs money that we don't have.  He's feeling very discouraged. 

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: Some Whining & A Jinx (?)

Hey Humble Readers...

I hope you're all having a nice evening. 

I'm procrastinating on cleaning my house, so I'm having a great night.  :)  My current thought process:  My MIL will be here Friday, and my parents will be here Sunday.  If I put off cleaning the house for another couple of days, then it should still be clean and relatively dust free when my parents get here.  A girl can dream

*****
Today is CD2 and AF is kicking my ass.  Cramps and backache like crazy.  I feel like I'm 15 again, and not it a good way.  The only thing that's missing is the vomiting.  *sigh*  I know that pregnancy and giving birth can mess with my cycle, but the fact that I now spot for two days before the witch actually shows up is aggravating.  And considering my luteal phase issues in the past, this isn't a great way to get things going again.  Ugh.  Hopefully things will continue to adjust and maybe get back to the normal I know. 

*****
One thing about being a plus sized lady that I strongly dislike is that I can't find hats that fit my big fat head and manage to look good.  As a result, when I spend a few hours outdoors at an event like the Taste of Cal.gary, I end up with a sunburned scalp.  Which ends up looking like I have terminal dandruff.  Nasty.  And oh, so attractive. 

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My Beloved (for all his life) and I (for the last 4+ years) are die-hard Saskatchewan Rough Riders fans.  And for the last few years, the Roughies have been doing really well, ending up in the Grey Cup 3 times since we've been married.  They won in 2007, then lost due to a stupid mistake on the field in 2009.  The Grey Cup game in 2010 was their chance for redemption.  They were playing against the Montreal Allouettes again and this time we were sure we were going to win.  The Grey Cup game was on Nov 28, and as you can imagine, it was a bit challenging to watch seeing as our wee sweet girl made her appearance just the night before. 

We did manage to watch the last half of the game (once they hooked up the tv in my hospital room), but sadly the Roughies lost, badly.   Over the winter we joked about getting Ginny a little Riders cheerleader outfit (yes they make them in her size), but we never actually got around to it.  The season started last month, and, to put it mildly, the Roughies just suck.  They have lost all but one game.  Of course, we haven't actually seen this, because when we cut our cable services back, we lost the sports channel that airs all the CFL games.

So here's my question.  Is Ginny a jinx on our poor football team?  Or is it just that they're losing because their #1 fans haven't been watching?  Do we need to get that cheer leading outfit ASAP?

We may have to head down to Gramma's to catch a game sometime soon, just to see what happens. 

(And yes, that whole last section is ENTIRELY tongue-in-cheek)

A Very Merry Un-Birthday!

Hey Humble Readers!

I hope you all have been having a good week, and that you have something fun planned for the weekend ahead of you!  My week has been pretty blech, but it is getting better now.  My weekend plans aren't anything spectacular, but provided that the weather holds we'll be headed south to visit my MIL tomorrow afternoon, then church on Sunday. 

This morning I was surprised to realize what the date was... my un-birthday, or rather my half-birthday.  And while I don't normally get gifts on my un-birthday, last year I got a doozy!  :)  Some of you may recall this post, when I got my first faint positive hpt that hinted at the impending arrival of our sweet wee girl. 

A bit blurry because she's ALWAYS in motion!

It's so amazing to see the difference a year makes. 

So, I wasn't expecting a gift on this un-birthday.  But I did...







AF showed up this afternoon.  :)

Did I freak you out?  LOL!  Probably not, but I think it's darn funny.  At least I know that my body is starting to get back to normal.  I know that my cycle will likely be wonky for the next while, but I'm just glad that there's a reason for all the cramps and pms I've had for the last week and a half.  I'm actually already starting to feel a bit more like myself.  I honestly thought I was losing my mind.  Now I just have a killer backache and some mild cramps. 

Who thought I would be this happy to have the witch show up? 

A Slightly Neurotic Hobbit

Hey Humble Readers...

This post is definitely categorized in the realm of TMI.  I know that some of my readers don't really want to know the inner workings of my reproductive system, and I am now giving you the opportunity to skip this post.  Scroll down and read last night's musings, or come back tomorrow when there will be something more your speed.

Here's the deal.  AF still hasn't made a come back.  Instead, she's playing with my mind. 

I have had consistent mild menstrual cramps for several days (getting progressively worse).  I have been feeling mildly PMS-y and tired and headachey.  All of that makes me think that the witch should be making an appearance any time now. 

But here's the thing... I've started checking my CM again, just to get back in the habit, and it's all over the place.  One day I'll have EWCM and then the next day it will be creamy or dry, and then back to EWCM.  And it varies in amount too... one day there will be scads and then the next day hardly any.  But then, I've also had intermittent twinges that I have always associated with ovulation.  Talk about messed up!  I haven't started temping again yet, as I have been waiting for AF to get here.

I stopped breastfeeding last week, and I'm sure that's a part of it.  I'm still dealing with a bit of leaking and discomfort on one side. 

And just to be sure, I did take a hpt a few days ago and it came back negative.  I honestly wasn't expecting it to be positive, but I just wanted to get that thought out of my mind. 

Do any of you have any thoughts?  I feel like I'm way to hung up on this right now, but I can't escape the physical side of it all.  It's driving me nuts.

The Episode In Which the Hobbit Has A Meltdown

Oh Humble Readers... what an agonizing couple of days it has been.

In order to tell the story properly, I have to back up to the end of my last cycle. I made the decision that I was going to take a break from my b vitamins. I had what I thought were good reasons for doing this. I had been doing some reading that indicated that there can be too much of a good thing with b vitamins and that headaches and even potential nerve damage are possible side effects. I thought I would try a cycle without my neon-pee-inducing B100s and see what happens.

Well, humble readers, all hell broke loose.

It started with just feeling sluggish. Ok, I have been downright exhausted. I tried to write it off as late winter blahs.

Then I started getting cranky.

Really cranky.

Head spinning, eyes going red, psycho-bitch from hell cranky.

It felt like my worst ever PMS (and it used to get REALLY bad), but it couldn't be PMS. I was only 4 dpo. In the past few years, my PMS symptoms have lessened and lessened to usually only the last day or so before AF shows up. This cycle my long suffering Beloved has had to put up with the demon-hobbit for almost a full week.

Then yesterday I completely lost it. It started with a seriously sinking temp that told me I wasn't pregnant yet again. And then... well, the reason why doesn't matter, but I was a screaming, crying, swearing wraith-like harpy. I was a complete mess. And I had to go to work afterward.

Yes, I had just worked a 7 day stretch (which is incredibly challenging for someone who gets her batteries recharged by being alone or with one or two loved ones), but that's no excuse.

Today I had planned to do battle with the bad guys in Mario and Luigi's world, some blog surfing, and reading. Some alone time.

But I ended up with a visitor. A very unwelcome vistor. AF. And I'm only 11dpo. So that means that my luteal phase went back to 10-10.5 days (rather than my now normal 12.5-13 days). PROBLEM!

I'm cramping worse than I have in years, and I feel awful.

I'm feeling like a baby is never going to be a part of our lives. More than two years, two lost babies, and no real reason why. I'm feeling like the last two years have been wasted.

The rational side of me is saying, chill out... you have things you can do (start taking the b vitamins again, start using the ov watch, call Dr. U and see if he is willing to do some testing). But the rational side isn't winning just now.

I'm keeping my head above water today, but just barely. Damn hormones.

#25

The witch just showed up...

She never shows up at night... EVER!

I knew she was coming, but she just sucks...

Off to go wallow...

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: Year End Edition

Good Afternoon Humble Readers!

This is the final Potpurri post of 2009, and honestly, there's not much to say...

AF is kicking my tail. All I want to do is lay here with my heating pad and a box of chocolate nearby.

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My parents were in town yesterday. It was just a really brief visit, as they were on their way back to K-town after seeing my sister and her family. Thankfully, there was only one baby related comment... about a family friend who hasn't had kids yet either. Like it's a choice we made... gah!

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My Beloved and I went and saw 'Nine' last night. I will confess that I didn't know much about the storyline, but the fact that it was based on a Broadway show had me pretty excited. The acting was great (Dan.iel Day-Lew.is was superb as a tortured director, and all the women in it were outstanding... who knew that Kat.e Hud.son could sing??) and I fell in love with a couple of the songs (Be Italian and Cinema Italiano), but honestly, I found the storyline depressing and more than a little cliched. I will likely end up owning the movie eventualy, it's not one that is tops on my list. Hopefully Av.atar will be better.

******
Having three days off has been wonderful. I haven't been quite as productive as I had wanted to be, but I'm feeling more rested than I have in quite a while. Tonight will mark the end of the holiday season with the putting away of the decorations, and I'm more than ready to have my house back.

******
Okay... so I just learned something a little frightening from one of my favourite cooking shows. And it is going to cause this hobbit to have to make a confession. I regularly put my wooden spoons in the dishwasher. *GASP* I know, I know, I have probably just horrified all my foodie friends. But, in my defence... it's what my mom always did. I never gave it a thought. So, on the show I just saw they tested wooden spoons for bacteria. The wooden spoons that went through the dishwasher had ridiculously more germs than the ones washed and treated properly. Oy! How did I get to be 35 and not ever hear about this???? I guess I need to throw away my wooden spoons away and get new ones.

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I have decided that I'm going to skip the grapefruit juice this cycle. For the last two cycles I have had a glass of grapefruit juice everyday, and I have noticed an increase in ewcm. But I'm wondering if it has anything to do with my later ovulation. In the past two years I have never O'd as late as CD17 (I know that's normal for many IFers, but ovulation has never been my issue). The grapefruit juice probably doesn't have anything at all to do with it, but it's the variable that I added in the last two cycles that hasn't been there before. We'll see. At least my LP hasn't changed.

******
I hope that some of you all will stop by tomorrow, as it's my 200th post.

Well, Crap!

Nothing good about this morning, Humble Readers...

Spotting has started.

Lame!

I'll be back later to post a final NaBloPoMo post... for now I need to recover from my PLOM disease.

(PLOM - poor little ol' me)

CD 1... AGAIN!

Well, Humble Readers...

AF has arrived, in all her usual glory. At least she didn't toy with me this month.

Back to the drawing board, I guess.

Cycle 22 is bound to be the charm, right?

Confessions of a Bored Infertile

Good Evening Humble Readers... I hope this post makes sense, as I am very tired at the moment.

** Usual disclaimer ** If you are a reader who knows me irl, and have no interest in hearing about my 'plumbing', you might want to skip this post.

I'm feeling a little like Ross on Friends... I have to keep reminding myself that we are 'on a break'. I know that it is highly, HIGHLY unlikely that I'm going to need to even consider testing this cycle. Or next cycle. I mean we are using condoms after all... geez!

And yet, here we are... 12 dpo and I'm still fixated on the mild heartburn I had yesterday and of course the sore boobs. Ridiculous! I KNOW that AF is going to show up tomorrow. So, why can't I just let this obsession go?

In an attempt to distract myself from the "am I?" question running around my brain, I have spent some time pondering my ovulation charts. I've noticed something that I'm wondering about.

Throughout the winter and spring, each cycle I generally had 5-6 days of the good cm. In fact, there were a few cycles that I thought I was going to ovulate earlier than normal because I had early ewcm. The last few months I have had very scant cm... barely 4 days, and not in the amounts I have gotten accustomed to.

So, I'm wondering if this is a result of the testing I've had in recent months. The hysteroscopy, the HSG, etc. Or could it be because it's summer... it's hot, and I have not been as good about drinking my water as I should have? Because I was pregnant at this point last summer, I don't have any charts to compare.

Anyone have any thoughts?

Another thing that has been niggling in the back of my brain... my luteal phase. I know that it's not supposed to change all that much from cycle to cycle, but mine has continuously gotten longer. I have had 11, 12, 12.5, and now almost 13 day LP. I know that longer is better, and I think it might be a result of the vitamin B I've been taking for quite a while.

Again, I ask, any thoughts?

Ok... I think that's it for now. I'm falling asleep as I type.

100th Post... and an Epiphany (of sorts)

Good evening Humble Readers... I can't believe that this is my 100th post! Who knew I had this much to natter on about? Break out the champagne and throw the confetti!

And now back to our regularly scheduled TMI...

So I hesitate in sharing the epiphany I had yesterday, for two reasons. One, I'm embarassed to say that I hadn't thought of asking my OB about this previously. And two, it's about my monthly AF experience.

SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY PLUMBING... WE CAN CHAT TOMORROW!

Ok, here's the deal. All my adult life my period has had the same pattern (even for the year or so that I was on bcps). Four or five days.
CD1 - light flow, moderate to nasty cramps
CD2- medium flow, light cramps
CD3 - heavy flow, minimal cramps
CD4 - spotting or no flow for about 12 hours
CD5 - light/moderate flow, light to moderate cramps

The thing that has me wondering is that CD4 thing... where it slows and practically stops. It's normal for me, so I've never thought to mention it to my OB. There has even been once or twice where AF has actually faked me out and I was caught unawares when she made her last hurrah.

So, my question is... is this something that could be significant? It can't have anthing to do with the condition of my eggs, can it? I can't believe that I have never thought to ask about it.

Any thoughts or input?

The Girl Who Cried 'Pregnant'

Another cycle... another round of feeling foolish.

At 9dpo I got a very faint positive. It was on a name brand test and like I said, it was faint, but it was definitely positive. My Beloved and I both saw it and we were cautiously hopeful. After all, it was still very early.

I tested the next day, and it was negative, but I had missed my fmu, so I wasn't surprised.

I tested the day after that, and then again yesterday... both negative.

This morning my temperature tanked and I can feel AF getting ready to show up. So, now the hysteroscopy is a go... I have a pre-consult with the anesthesiologist tomorrow and then the procedure on Tuesday. I guess I should be glad that the procedure is getting done, so that I don't have the nagging thought of a polyp screwing things up in the future.

But knowing that 'its for the best' isn't a comfort right now. I'm sad, I'm angry and I'm sick of this whole stupid merry-go-round. I hate that my body plays tricks on me. I hate that I can't do what my husband's 16 year old cousin seems to be able to do without even trying.

The other thing that is weighing on me heavily today is knowing that we won't be trying again now until September. With our trip planned for the latter half of September and my history of early losses, I don't want to risk getting pregnant before we go to New York. I don't want to potentially ruin our trip by worrying about miscarrying again (not to mention needing medical care in a different country can get expensive).

I know that it's not that far off... and the time in between will go quickly. But the idea of 'wasting' cycles, actively preventing... it's about as appealing to me as liver and onions. Not to mention that big flashing neon 35 is fast approaching and while I know that pregnancy is still very possible, I don't need any lower odds.

Tomorrow I will be in a better frame of mind. Tomorrow I will be more positive, I'm sure. Today sucks, and I think I'm just going to wallow.

Just a blah kind of day...

Anyone ready to hang out at my pity party? The whine and cheese is on the table. The violins are playing. My PLOM (poor little ol' me) disease is in full swing.

Here's what happened today...

• Got on the scale this morning... not a good thing. All that weight I lost last month has found me again.
• It's still not spring... when I left for work this afternoon at 2, it was 2 degrees outside. (that's Celsius for my friends down south)
  
• Found out that we really REALLY have nowhere to store our stupid winter tires, and that it looks like we are going to be hauling them around in our trunk until October at which point we will swap them out for the summer tires. I want the trunk of my car back!!!!!!!!!!!
• Discovered that one of my direct reports, who was hired to replace me when I was promoted, actually makes more than me, when you break it down to an hourly wage. Gah!
• I've been waiting for two weeks to get an appointment with my optometrist, after his office promised they would call as soon as there was an opening... I ended up calling them back today to find out what's going on and found out that the only opening is tomorrow (I work) and after that the doc is on vacation for 2 weeks!
• My lips are ridiculously chapped.

And to top it all off, I'm not pregnant, I've just had what is possibly the worst AF I've had in over a year, and I don't feel at all confident for this cycle (yes, I know it's only CD 5, but I'm just not feeling it this month).

I'm just going to head to bed and pray that tomorrow is a better day.

About My Beloved

I know that I have bragged about my beloved in the past, but in an effort to improve my mood I have been counting my blessings and he is number one among them all. Please indulge me as I sing his praises for a bit...

• He's my best friend.
• He does the laundry.
• He does the dishes.
• He loves God.
• He loves me.
• He doesn't make fun of my singing voice.
  
• He is a math genius... which is particularly useful as he's an accountant.
• He holds my hand.
• He understands that sometimes women just get cranky, and he knows to stay out of my way.
• He loves my cooking.
• He tells me I'm beautiful, even when I feel gross.
• He (almost) always remembers to hang up his towel.
• He makes me laugh.
  
• He accepts that my first love was Don.nie Wahl.berg, and doesn't mind at all ;)
• He talks to himself in the cutest way.
• He understands and shares my longing for a baby.
  

I am so blessed to have him in my life. He's my cheerleader, my sounding board, and my guinea pig for new recipes. He's makes me want to be a better person.

*********************************

On a completely different note... AF has arrived with a vengeance. On the upside, with the spotting for two days (for the second cycle in a row) before I might actually have a case for progesterone supplements... maybe. We'll see what Dr. U says on the 11th. Thank you everyone for all your supportive comments over the last few days. I really appreciate it!

Where did that hope go?

So, I was looking back at my posts from the last couple of weeks and I was really hopeful not all that long ago.

I know I wasn't truly expecting much for this cycle, what with the HSG so close to O-time. But I am now getting all my usual pre-AF symptoms and some faint spotting has me convinced that there isn't a New Year's baby in my future.

Maybe it's because it's so ridiculously cold outside...

Maybe it's because I had to be at work at 7am today and I'll have to be there at 7am again tomorrow...

Maybe it's because I'm sick of hockey playoffs...

Maybe I'm sick of waiting...

Maybe I'm sick of wishing...

Realizations

At work today, I was filling out one of our numerous forms (everything in triplicate!) and when I wrote the date I felt like a ton of bricks hit me.

If my first miscarriage hadn't happened, I would be on mat leave now. I had planned to only work until the end of February, leaving the month of March to prepare for my April 1st due date. Talk about a kick in the gut. I just had to sit there for a few minutes, and pray that none of my staff walked into the office as I tried to power-blink the tears away.

It really is incredible how grief can sneak up on you. Here I thought I was doing ok...

Then, after lunch today, the staff member who recently announced her pregnancy just mentioned that while she's not entirely sure when she's due, she is pretty confident that it will be mid-August. After a mental 'huh...' I was able to make the appropriate comments about how hot she's going to be, etc. All the things that I had mentioned to my beloved when we first discovered that our second pregnancy was due on August 18th.

When I woke up this morning I wasn't feeling especially sad. I'm not even really all that sad right now. Maybe I can chalk it up to hormones and blame it on AF...