Oh Humble Readers... what an agonizing couple of days it has been.
In order to tell the story properly, I have to back up to the end of my last cycle. I made the decision that I was going to take a break from my b vitamins. I had what I thought were good reasons for doing this. I had been doing some reading that indicated that there can be too much of a good thing with b vitamins and that headaches and even potential nerve damage are possible side effects. I thought I would try a cycle without my neon-pee-inducing B100s and see what happens.
Well, humble readers, all hell broke loose.
It started with just feeling sluggish. Ok, I have been downright exhausted. I tried to write it off as late winter blahs.
Then I started getting cranky.
Really cranky.
Head spinning, eyes going red, psycho-bitch from hell cranky.
It felt like my worst ever PMS (and it used to get REALLY bad), but it couldn't be PMS. I was only 4 dpo. In the past few years, my PMS symptoms have lessened and lessened to usually only the last day or so before AF shows up. This cycle my long suffering Beloved has had to put up with the demon-hobbit for almost a full week.
Then yesterday I completely lost it. It started with a seriously sinking temp that told me I wasn't pregnant yet again. And then... well, the reason why doesn't matter, but I was a screaming, crying, swearing wraith-like harpy. I was a complete mess. And I had to go to work afterward.
Yes, I had just worked a 7 day stretch (which is incredibly challenging for someone who gets her batteries recharged by being alone or with one or two loved ones), but that's no excuse.
Today I had planned to do battle with the bad guys in Mario and Luigi's world, some blog surfing, and reading. Some alone time.
But I ended up with a visitor. A very unwelcome vistor. AF. And I'm only 11dpo. So that means that my luteal phase went back to 10-10.5 days (rather than my now normal 12.5-13 days). PROBLEM!
I'm cramping worse than I have in years, and I feel awful.
I'm feeling like a baby is never going to be a part of our lives. More than two years, two lost babies, and no real reason why. I'm feeling like the last two years have been wasted.
The rational side of me is saying, chill out... you have things you can do (start taking the b vitamins again, start using the ov watch, call Dr. U and see if he is willing to do some testing). But the rational side isn't winning just now.
I'm keeping my head above water today, but just barely. Damn hormones.
I know how you fell and its hurtful cycle. Blessings on a new cycle on all the GOOD things to come.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to stay positive some days, I know. Sometimes you just need to wallow for a bit, and then pick yourself up and keep going. Best of luck
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{ICLW}
Gah Mrs. G. Big time suck. Sending you bunches of love!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, that sounds really awful. I know it seems hopeless now, but take care of yourself through AF and then you'll be at a better place to make a plan. There's no way around it -- IF sucks. :(
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I'm praying for you.
ReplyDeleteHow early were your losses? Were they really early? With your luteal phase going back to 10+ days, that has me wondering about luteal phase disorder. LPD can manifest in a number of ways...low progesterone levels, proper progesterone levels but body doesn't respond to it well (shortening luteal phase and thinning lining), etc. Have they tested for that?
ReplyDeleteHope this wasn't a bunch of assvice. {{{Hugs}}}
Hormones suck bad man. So sorry you were pyscho, but we have all been there. Get better soon girl. Happy iclw xoxoxo
ReplyDeletesorry you are struggling. hope that things start to look up, and that the doctor may be able to give you an answer. for me the hardest part has always been the not knowing.
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Oh sweetie, that sounds really awful, what a shock that AF just arrived after a short luteal phase. Maybe take the b vitamins again if you think it's worse without them. I know this journey can seem never-ending and it is really hard when you lose hope. Just take some time now to recharge if you can and don't think about the O'ing again just yet. (((HUGS))) Wish I could be there to take you out and distract you!
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, that sounds really awful, what a shock that AF just arrived after a short luteal phase. Maybe take the b vitamins again if you think it's worse without them. I know this journey can seem never-ending and it is really hard when you lose hope. Just take some time now to recharge if you can and don't think about the O'ing again just yet. (((HUGS))) Wish I could be there to take you out and distract you!
ReplyDeletehugs girl... hang in there... thinking of you.
ReplyDelete*hugs* I am so sorry she showed early and you are feeling hormonal. It sucks. I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, I'm so sorry this has been such a b*tch of a cycle for you. I can't know exactly how you feel, but I can relate to the crankiness and the wondering if it's EVER going to happen. You just be as irrational as you need to be right now to get through it, and we'll all be here to cheer you on. ((((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry about your shitty week. I hate when I have to change gears, especially when I was really looking forward to something, like reading blogs or quiet book time or photography time. I hope when you go back to your regular vitamin routine your cycle will go back to normal. What does your endocrinologist say about the wonky cycles?
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