At work today, I was filling out one of our numerous forms (everything in triplicate!) and when I wrote the date I felt like a ton of bricks hit me.
If my first miscarriage hadn't happened, I would be on mat leave now. I had planned to only work until the end of February, leaving the month of March to prepare for my April 1st due date. Talk about a kick in the gut. I just had to sit there for a few minutes, and pray that none of my staff walked into the office as I tried to power-blink the tears away.
It really is incredible how grief can sneak up on you. Here I thought I was doing ok...
Then, after lunch today, the staff member who recently announced her pregnancy just mentioned that while she's not entirely sure when she's due, she is pretty confident that it will be mid-August. After a mental 'huh...' I was able to make the appropriate comments about how hot she's going to be, etc. All the things that I had mentioned to my beloved when we first discovered that our second pregnancy was due on August 18th.
When I woke up this morning I wasn't feeling especially sad. I'm not even really all that sad right now. Maybe I can chalk it up to hormones and blame it on AF...
EDDs are so difficult! You're right that the grief can sneak right up on you with now warning. I'm sorry you had to deal with both days all at once. Hoping tomorrow is a better day.
ReplyDeleteI SOOO relate to this! I had a miscarriage in January. Yesterday I went to an Urgent Care center for a head cold. I had MAJOR tugs at my heartstrings when I had to fill out the "# of pregnancies" and "# of live children" boxes on the admission form. Sighs.
ReplyDeleteAnd then I received a baby shower invitation in the mail today. Sighs again.
Sending *HUGS* from Florida...hope things get easier soon. Know that you're not alone. :)