Gratuitous, Self-Indulgent Dreck

Good evening... er, morning Humble Readers.

My sleep schedule is all out of whack right now, thus you are getting a middle of the night post. 

First up, because I'm sure you are dying to know... inventory last night went well.  Surprisingly so.  I don't wish to malign the particular inventory company whose services we utilize, but in all my previous experiences with them, their staff haven't been the brightest crayons in the box.  However, last night, I was pleasantly surprised.  The majority of them were efficient, filled with common sense, and altogether pleasant.  They were so good, that we actually had all the basic counting, verifications, and required audits done by midnight!  Amazing!  Normally, it's 4 or 5 am before the counters leave the store.

Second, a cycle update.  8... er, 9dpo now.  I made it through the morning (when I'm home alone) without caving to the taunting of the pee sticks.  I was going to assemble the shelving unit we bought at IKEA last weekend, but as I mentioned above, my sleep schedule is wacky right now so I ended up dozing most of the morning.  Phantom symptoms are more pronounced today (aka - the b00bs are KILLING ME!!).  The last two days I have had this odd sort of hot flash thing going on in the late evenings.  Not enough to register on my thermometer (yes I checked), but enough to make my face flush and make me feel uncomfortable.  Mild nausea, with a few moments of true gagginess.  The thing that's kind of got me a bit concerned is that I'm feeling kind of crampy tonight.  I know it could potentially be a good thing, but with AF showing her ugly face so early last cycle, I'm a bit freaked out.  Here's hoping that being back on the vitamin b is doing the trick. 

I know I'm over analyzing every little thing, and Sunday morning has the potential to be a real bitch.  But I'm still feeling that seed of hope.  I just hope it gets a chance to germinate. 

Here's hoping that my lack of interest in chocolate today is a good sign, too.

Infertile Math

Good Evening Humble Readers...

So, infertile math...

it's kind of like girl math...

You know... where you can have an extra helping of dessert because you had a salad for dinner? Or because you saved big time on that super cute handbag/pair of shoes/sweater, you can justify the purchase of those adorable earrings.

Infertile math... if I O'd on this date, then the earliest I could expect AF is that date. And if my temps don't start to drop by 12dpo, then I'll let my self start to hope. If my phantom symptoms are an 8 or higher on the intensity scale, then I'll let myself think about testing.

So, with that in mind...

If I'm correct, and I did O on CD14, then AF should be here by Sunday. But, if by some suspension of reality, and if Fertility Friend is correct that I O'd on CD17 (never o'd that late in the two years I've been charting), then I'm really only 9dpo today, and AF won't be here until Wednesday.

Confused yet? I know that I am, but I'm dyslexic so that might explain it.

I am going to hold on to hope. Maybe this morning's bfn was accurate. Maybe it wasn't. I know it's not truly over until AF shows her ugly face.

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but my b00bs are really killing me. The cramps I had this morning twinged themselves out without really developing into anything at all. No spotting and the little bit of a lower backache I had this morning faded before I even left for work. I have been hungrier than normal, but as soon as I start to eat I feel very full and can't bring myself to eat much.

But... (everyone join in on the chorus now!)

I know it's probably all in my head.

Only An Infertile Would Understand

Good evening, Humble Readers!

You know you are an infertile when you don't even bat an eye walking into your favourite discount big box store and spending $30 on several different brands of hpts, and $5 on fem-hy products.

Yes, I've decided to cave and test tomorrow. I will be 12dpo, which is only one day shy of my usual luteal phase. My phantom symptoms have been pretty incredible today... I've actually been really nauseous today, exhausted, and oh the pain in the b00bs! In a normal cycle, by this time in my cycle the phantom symptoms are starting to fade.

I know it's probably just all in my mind, but that little seed of hope is still there.

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: Small Things for Small Minds

Good Morning Humble Readers...

Just a few random thoughts and ramblings for you today. I'm also looking for a few opinions.

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I always love seeing different peoples' reactions when they first walk in my home. My mother would call it Ukrainian (like an Easter egg), I call it colourful. My boss and his wife just stopped by to drop off the freezer we are buying from them (yay, a freezer!). The look on their faces was awesome as they took in my school-bus-yellow living room with the cranberry red couch and the and dark dark brown tables and book cases. Add to that the sage green kitchen walls and white cabinets... well, I know it's not everyone's taste. (and at least they didn't see the crimson bedroom!)

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It's my Beloved's office Christmas party this evening. It's being held at a pub so jeans should be okay, right? If I wear something sparkly on top?

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Cycle Update: The way I figure it, I'm 9dpo. The extra ewcm combined with the recent cold snap that started this week that has messed with my temps just after O caused some confusion for Fertility Friend, so according to them I'm only 7dpo. Phantom symptoms are in high gear... incredibly sore b00bs, nausea, bionic nose is up and functioning, fatigue (although that is more than partially contributed to by a couple of very bad IBS flares the last couple of nights). Because of my lack of sleep, I'm not really trusting the jump my temps made this morning, but we'll see. I'm expecting AF on Sunday... the day we are supposed to go to my MIL's house for a Grey Cup party.

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The Grey Cup... the Canadian Football League's equivalent of Super Bowl Sunday. My Beloved's family are lifelong serious Saskatchewan Rough Riders fans. The Roughies are playing Montreal, a team they haven't beaten in the regular season for 3 or 4 years. For the party, should I do wings or ribs?

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I bought two new cookbooks yesterday that I'm very excited about. One is for artisan breads. the other is for slow cookers... Yay for new recipes!

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Speaking of recipes, I'm pondering setting up some sort of Bloggy Holiday recipe exchange. I'm thinking if I set it up like Show & Tell, Shout Out Sundays, or Perfect Moment Mondays, with a McLinky thing. Do you think it will work?

Ummm... I think... Maybe...

I don't have any unequivocal proof, but...

• low grade cramps for the last week
• a slightly tri-phasic chart
• my usual phantom symptoms (mild nausea, fatigue, dizziness)
  
• no real pms symptoms
  

and now today

• hives

With both of my previous pregnancies, I broke out in hives during my luteal phase.

I have tested twice, and both came back bfn, but it is still early. Friday is really the day that I'm expecting AF.

Humble readers, my brain is going in circles. I am hopeful and scared, prayerful and terrified.