Hobbit-ish Potpurri: Generosity

Howdy Humble Readers,

Things here in the hobbit-hole were better yesterday, with the wee-lings both taking naps and just being in generally better moods.  I don't know if the the lovely cool rainy weather played a part, but overall, things were much better. 

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Today I have been overwhelmed by the generosity of others.  First, a lady from our church came by with three boxes of infant/toddler boy clothes, a box of childrens' books, and a box of toys.  I had just sorted through all that and started some of it in the laundry, when another friend came by bearing gifts... four large bags and a gift bag, filled with more toddler boy clothes.  All in great shape, some had hardly ever been worn.

I'm swimming in overalls, jeans, long sleeved tees, hoodies, stripey socks and shoes.  Seriously, my coffee table is lined up with seven pairs of boots, shoes, and sandals in sizes ranging from 4 to 6.  I am so incredibly grateful to these generous women. Seriously, I won't need to buy clothes for our wee little mister from age 1 to age 3 or 4.  And Ginny will even be able to wear some of this stuff this winter. 

Just when I start to worry about managing buying clothes, birthdays (our families have many b-days from Aug-Dec), and the holidays, this wonderful gift comes my way.  I'm immensely thankful!

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Ginny had a big moment yesterday.  For the first time ever, she recognized that she was in need of a diaper change and told me so.  Woo hoo!  Potty training here we come!

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Update on my parents' situation:  It was confirmed yesterday that my Dad is on drugs.  My sister and I called it almost two months ago.  We knew that something fundamental had changed, but everyone around us was saying no, he wouldn't do that.  Damn, I hate being right about stuff like this.  Thankfully, Mom has had the locks on the house changed, so at least she's a bit safer.  Good news... Mom just got a referral to a great lawyer. 

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I've had a couple of questions about what I'm crafting for Christmas... so here's the run down so far.  (All these ideas are from Pinterest... links included)

Felt Christmas Tree with Ornaments for the wee-lings.  Hopefully it will help keep them away from our big tree.  (this project is almost finished)

Terracotta Holy Family - made from terracotta pots, scraps of fabric, and wooden balls for the heads.  A cute, inexpensive addition to my collection of Nativity sets.  (have most of the materials)

Extra Sparkle -  (this one didn't have an actual link, but it's easy enough) glue one inch mirror tiles back to back, with a loop of ribbon.  Hang them on the tree after you put on the lights, but before you put on the rest of your ornaments.  Increase the sparkle and twinkle factor by up to 100%.  (having some issues tracking down the mirror tiles for a good price, and without having to pay ridiculous shipping charges)

Are you someone who starts thinking about Christmas super early, like me?  Or are you like my Beloved, adamant that Christmas is for December only?

And The Gross-ness Just Keeps On Rollin' In

Hey Humble Readers...

Alright.  I have hit critical mass for all the gross-ness that has become my family, and I need to let some of it out.  If you're not at all interested in discovering how my family has become fodder for the Jerry Spr.inger show, I invite you to skip this post and come back tomorrow.  For those of you who choose to stick around, this is a tad long. 

Two and a half months ago, shortly after Pippin was born, I got the heartbreaking phone call from my Mom.  She told me that she and Dad were splitting up.  After 25 years of marriage, after 27 years together, after battling health scares (hello 5x cancer) and the struggles that go along with owning your own business and raising two daughters, they were calling it quits. 

Why, you might ask.

Because my Dad was having an affair.  Had been since at least February.  And this wasn't the first time.  Apparently there was a 'one night stand' last fall.  Oh, and he'd been keeping his 'girlfriend' (any clue about how gross that is to write?) in a motel 20 minutes away from Mom and Dad's house.  Since February. 

Let that sink in a little.

Even while Mom and Dad were on their 25th anniversary cruise.

About the woman... we know that Dad met her on an online dating service.  He actually placed an online ad for someone to have sex with outside his marriage.  We know that she's an addict (by her own admission) and an alcoholic.  Oh, and she's claiming to be pregnant with Dad's baby.  And while it's really not my business, apparently she's fat and ugly too (not that it matters what she looks like, but it is slightly gratifying).

At this point, in early June, my Mom was willing to try to make things work, if Dad committed to counselling (both as a couple and as individuals) and to breaking things off permanently with his 'woman'. 

He didn't know what he wanted to do.  He couldn't make up his mind.  One day he was begging Mom to take him back.  The next day she catches him texting this person. 

Have I mentioned that the 'woman' has threatened my Mom, and by extension my sister and I, with physical harm?  Oh, and she knows where we live because when my Dad was out here shortly after Pip was born, he brought her with him.  She was at his hotel waiting for him while he was here playing with eating my food, playing with Ginny, and holding my son. 

When asked why, my Dad's only response was that he's been lonely.  He travels a lot for work and since Mom 'didn't want to come with' him, he 'had to' seek out comfort elsewhere.  (His words.)

Of course, Mom's choosing not to go with him has nothing to do with the fact that she looks after Grandma.  No, never. 

Just before we went on vacation, Dad spent three days begging Mom to take him back and making all kinds of promises.  Mom took him at his word, and he was there (suffering from a kidney stone attack... oh if I believed in karma!).  He hardly spoke to me, my Beloved, or my sister.  And when he spoke to my BIL, it was mostly about the repairs they were doing on my parents' roof. 

On the last day of our vacation, my sister and I took Dad out for dinner, because we felt that we both had things we needed to say, but they weren't being said in a house full of people.  We went some place loud, so that we wouldn't be overheard, and laid it all out for him.  We hate the choices he's made and how he's hurt Mom and all of us, but we still love him.  We told him that we would support him anyway we could on the road to reconciliation with Mom. 

During our conversation the only response he gave was 'I can't make promises'.  Not once did he indicate that he was sorry, that he felt any remorse for hurting Mom or us.  I came away from the encounter pissed off, but at least I had had my say.

I guess I should have taken the whole thing as an indicator of what was to come. 

When we left their house, my sister and her kids were staying on for a couple of weeks, and then they were all going to come out to our hobbit-hole, to be present for Pippin's baptism. 

On Saturday I got a text from my sister saying that Dad was sick and wasn't going to be able to come.  I called bullshit on that right away.  And I was right.  I hate that I was right.

He has been in contact with the 'woman' all the way through all of the month of July.  Apparently, he just moved her to a different motel.  Most recently he's been in the process of finding an apartment for her, less than 10 minutes away from my Mom's house.  And that's actually the best of the revelations I got this weekend. 

While my sister was there with her kids, my Mom accompanied Dad on one of his work trips.  To give them time together 'to really talk' without all the family around.  While on this trip he told my Mom that what he really wanted was to have both my Mom and this woman in his life.  He 'loves them both' and what would really make him happy was that they have regular threesomes.  Oh, and his 'woman' agrees wholeheartedly to this idea. 

And then he dropped the big one.  He told Mom that while she was going through chemotherapy and radiation treatments during her last go round with cancer 6 years ago, he was hooking up with prostitutes.  Because my Mom 'wouldn't give him what he needed'.  So while my Mom was fighting for her life, battling lymphoma and lesions on her brain, all he could think about was that he wasn't getting laid enough.  Not only was he only concerned about getting his rocks off, but he and Mom were intimate on occassion during this period of time, so who knows what the hell he exposed her to.

Needless to say, that is the ultimate last straw.  I completely lost it on his voice mail and called him every name in the book.  And I fully anticipate that will be the last communication I have with him. 

I vacillate between angry and heartbroken most of the time.  My Mom is a mess most of the time, and is now worried that Dad's 'woman' has a key to Mom's house.  Mom doesn't have the money to have the locks changed, so my BIL will be going back out there in a week or so to do it for her.  In the mean time, arrangements have been made for neighbours to help keep a watch for strange people or vehicles in the vicinity. 

Ummm, other details... because of all this craziness, my Dad's parents decided to cancel their 50th anniversary celebration (the reason for our trip out there) and my Grandpa has basically disowned my Dad. 

This is the man that I held up as a standard by which I measured the men I dated.  The man who always seemed so rock solid, in his faith and in his commitment to his family.  I knew he wasn't perfect, but I never EVER would have anticipated this. 

If you've made it this far, you deserve a gold star.  Thanks for reading.  It's helped a little just to get it all out. 

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: Randomness & Updates

Good Morning Humble Readers!

So, I have a question... what are the odds that Ginny's first word is going to be 'gesundheit'?  The poor wee girl has been sneezing up a storm.  Basically, if she's awake, she's sneezing.  At least it's moving that nasty congestion through.  I think she likes the sneezes, because she smiles like crazy after she does it.  And I've become very adept at booger mining (with a tissue of course) in her little nose.  Whoddathunkit?

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It took almost three months, but Ginevra has finally learned how to suck her thumb.  She didn't do it in utero, at least not on any of the gazillion ultrasounds I had.  And of course, being my child, she has to do things in the oddest way possible.  To get an idea of how she sucks her thumb, hold your hand in front of your face, palm to nose.  Insert thumb into mouth.  Rest palm on tip of nose.  Keep fingers extended.  Tap fingers on eyelids and forehead. 

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Thank you to everyone who responded to my last post.  For the time being, I'm not going to go see her.  Call it chickening out, but I decided to use my lingering cold as the reason.  They don't allow people with colds into the ICU, right?  Right?  (I never claimed to be a brave person.)  I called and checked in with the nurses last night, and she's responding well to treatment and they are hoping to wean her from the ventilator sometime today or tomorrow.  They have my number at the nurses station if anything changes drastically.  At this point, I'm hoping that she recovers to a point where she can be transferred back to the little hospital in the town where she lives. 

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I made some buns yesterday that I'm pretty proud of.  They taste really great, even if they don't look all that perfect.  I'm still really new to bread baking, but I never guessed how hard it is to shape dough.  First the pizza, now buns.  Anyone care to share some tips?  (And how do I keep myself from binging on fresh baked bread?)

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I know I've said it before, but I love ICLW!  I've come across some great new-to-me blogs and added a few to my blogroll.  The breadth and depth of this community never ceases to astound me.

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My new favourite pic of our wee girl... taken at Gramma's house last weekend.

Doesn't she just look like she's up to no good?

Gamgee Family Drama

Hey Humble Readers...

If you've taken a peak at my 'Cast of Characters' tab, or if you've been around long enough to pick up on it, my family is a bit complicated.  There's my foster family who is the family of my heart... and then there's my bio family.  *sigh*  They generally suck my will to live with all the unhealthy emotional garbage that they perpetuate. 

Because of their continuing dysfunction (and I don't count myself as blameless in the mess) and their on-going co-dependance, I chose to separate myself from them many years ago.  Our only contacts since then have been random and initiated by them (they like to show up at my workplace unannounced).  They weren't at my wedding, and they don't know about Ginny or our previous pregnancies. 

Tonight we got a phone call.  Apparently someone gave my brother my Beloved's cell phone number.  It turns out my bio-mom is in the ICU at our hospital with pneumonia.  She lives in a little town a couple of hours away and ours is the closest ICU.  I've spoken with the nurses and she's very ill, but it's unlikely to be life threatening with proper treatment.  They intubated her this morning and she's on all the meds she should be.  She will recover, but it's going to take awhile.

The tricky situation I'm in now revolves around going to see her (as the only family member in town, I am feeling obligated to go).  Thankfully, they only allow immediate family into the ICU, and of course children aren't permitted, so I don't have to immediately deal with not introducing her to my child.  I chose to remove myself from her life, but what does that mean for Ginevra?  I don't want Ginny exposed to their chaos, and honestly I would much rather they all remain ignorant of Ginny's existance... at least for the time being. 

I won't lie to her.  If she asks, I will tell her we have a child.  But I really don't want to have to get into everything with her, while she's in the hospital.  I also don't want her to think I'm inviting her into my life.  Argh! 

I'm feeling torn, guilty, and defensive.  Not to mention pissed off for being in this position in the first place.  And guilty for feeling pissed off. 

And I don't know what to do...