Week 37: Full Term Anxiety

Howdy Humble Readers...

Well, here we are.  Full term.  Wow. 

I confess that I have been finding myself overcome with a building level of anxiety over the last several days.  I have so many fears for this Halfling (birth defects, chronic illness, and even the worst), for the c-section (pre-eclampsia, complications, needing to be completely put under, and even the worst for myself), and for the ramifications that any of these things will have on me, my Beloved, Ginny, and our family.  Whew... just writing all that out has made me feel nauseated, my heartrate to increase, and it's hard to breathe.

I was scared when I was expecting Ginny, but nothing like this.  It wakes me up in the middle of the night (which is why this post is being written in the dark watch of the night).  It slams into me in the middle of the day.  It stops me dead in my tracks.  The c-section is on May 10th, and really all I want is for it to be May 11th, with everything being okay.  I pray that this fear goes away. 

I know from my ultrasounds and regular monitoring that the Halfling is as healthy as can be.  There are no indications that there is anything wrong.  At my NST yesterday, the only real issue was again my blood pressure (up again over last week... and meds have been increased again).  The Halfling wasn't feeling overly cooperative, and kept moving away from the monitor, but the heartrate was strong (145+ bpm) and lots of good movement.  I've had a couple of headaches this week, but Dr. W and I agree that it was likely from changing the dosage of my meds.  I've also had some water retention, but it comes and goes.  There have been no other signs of pre-e at all. 

Enough wallowing.  On to this week's update...

How far along? 37w0d (9 days to go)

Maternity clothes?  I am sooooo sick of them.  They are so tired and worn.  I'm ready to go back to my regular clothes.

Body Oddities? other than the usual litany of discomforts, my hips have been locking up a lot.  It's been making getting up from the couch or bed very challenging.  I've had some terrible gas lately... really it's awful.  I think I lost part of my mucous plug yesterday.  Oh, and while it won't likely pop, my belly button is disappearing. 

Sleep? Some nights good, other nights not so much.  Fear and pain wake me, almost as often as my bladder does.

Intense Dreams? None that I remember this week. 

Best moment this week? Yesterday at my NST, when I went to sit up after they were done monitoring me, my stomach was in the funniest shape.  Instead of being round and huge like usual, it was like the halfling was pushing straight out from the middle of my belly.  The sides of my stomach had gone completely flat and there was this mountain right in the middle.  It was hilarious.

Worst moment? Any time the fears roll over me.

Movement? A lot more in the middle of the night.  Perhaps connected to the anxiety that wakes me up. 

Food cravings/aversions? Hungry ALL THE TIME!  The smell of red meat still bothers me.. I wonder if it always will. 

Rings? Still off.  I tried them on the other day, when I was feeling relatively water retention free and they almost fit.  I look forward to wearing them again.

Gender? Still thinking that the Halfling is a girl.  Only a few days left to get your opinion in on the poll to the right.

Medical Concerns? Gestational Diabetes (insulin 5x a day), High blood pressure (100mg of lobetalol 3x a day), continuing heartburn (60mg of pantaloc), low lying placenta, low iron

What I miss?  Sleep, iced coffee, being able to pick up Ginny easily

What I look forward to?  moving forward

Emotional State? fearful, happy, terrified, excited, anxious... oh yeah, and the hormonal biotch is still there too.