Week 37: Full Term Anxiety

Howdy Humble Readers...

Well, here we are.  Full term.  Wow. 

I confess that I have been finding myself overcome with a building level of anxiety over the last several days.  I have so many fears for this Halfling (birth defects, chronic illness, and even the worst), for the c-section (pre-eclampsia, complications, needing to be completely put under, and even the worst for myself), and for the ramifications that any of these things will have on me, my Beloved, Ginny, and our family.  Whew... just writing all that out has made me feel nauseated, my heartrate to increase, and it's hard to breathe.

I was scared when I was expecting Ginny, but nothing like this.  It wakes me up in the middle of the night (which is why this post is being written in the dark watch of the night).  It slams into me in the middle of the day.  It stops me dead in my tracks.  The c-section is on May 10th, and really all I want is for it to be May 11th, with everything being okay.  I pray that this fear goes away. 

I know from my ultrasounds and regular monitoring that the Halfling is as healthy as can be.  There are no indications that there is anything wrong.  At my NST yesterday, the only real issue was again my blood pressure (up again over last week... and meds have been increased again).  The Halfling wasn't feeling overly cooperative, and kept moving away from the monitor, but the heartrate was strong (145+ bpm) and lots of good movement.  I've had a couple of headaches this week, but Dr. W and I agree that it was likely from changing the dosage of my meds.  I've also had some water retention, but it comes and goes.  There have been no other signs of pre-e at all. 

Enough wallowing.  On to this week's update...

How far along? 37w0d (9 days to go)

Maternity clothes?  I am sooooo sick of them.  They are so tired and worn.  I'm ready to go back to my regular clothes.

Body Oddities? other than the usual litany of discomforts, my hips have been locking up a lot.  It's been making getting up from the couch or bed very challenging.  I've had some terrible gas lately... really it's awful.  I think I lost part of my mucous plug yesterday.  Oh, and while it won't likely pop, my belly button is disappearing. 

Sleep? Some nights good, other nights not so much.  Fear and pain wake me, almost as often as my bladder does.

Intense Dreams? None that I remember this week. 

Best moment this week? Yesterday at my NST, when I went to sit up after they were done monitoring me, my stomach was in the funniest shape.  Instead of being round and huge like usual, it was like the halfling was pushing straight out from the middle of my belly.  The sides of my stomach had gone completely flat and there was this mountain right in the middle.  It was hilarious.

Worst moment? Any time the fears roll over me.

Movement? A lot more in the middle of the night.  Perhaps connected to the anxiety that wakes me up. 

Food cravings/aversions? Hungry ALL THE TIME!  The smell of red meat still bothers me.. I wonder if it always will. 

Rings? Still off.  I tried them on the other day, when I was feeling relatively water retention free and they almost fit.  I look forward to wearing them again.

Gender? Still thinking that the Halfling is a girl.  Only a few days left to get your opinion in on the poll to the right.

Medical Concerns? Gestational Diabetes (insulin 5x a day), High blood pressure (100mg of lobetalol 3x a day), continuing heartburn (60mg of pantaloc), low lying placenta, low iron

What I miss?  Sleep, iced coffee, being able to pick up Ginny easily

What I look forward to?  moving forward

Emotional State? fearful, happy, terrified, excited, anxious... oh yeah, and the hormonal biotch is still there too. 

Week 36: Busy Mommy, Busy Halfling

Greetings Humble Readers...

Happy Tuesday!  Ginny and I have just gotten home from the hospital where I had my weekly NST and confab with Dr. W.  It went pretty well, other than the Halfling choosing to be difficult to pin down for monitoring, and my bp being a little higher than we would all like to see (145/67).  Dr. W has adjusted my hbp meds again, but not as high as what Dr. B had them through the fall.  After being difficult to find at the beginning of the test, the Halfling was rockin' and rollin'... heart rate bouncing between 170-180. 

I also had a conversation with the pre-admissions nurse about what to expect for my time in the hospital.  A few things have changed since last time, like my Beloved can have a camera in the OR for during delivery and they've changed a few protocols for post-op pain management (rectal suppositories... yippee). 

Unfortunately, Ginny chose to wake up at 6am today (two hours earilier than normal) so she was a bit of a bear during the whole appointment.  But the nurses were understanding, and helped me out while I was strapped to the monitor. 
Other than all that, things around the hobbit-hole are good.  No recurrence of the craziness next door.  To do list is coming along nicely... I fixed Ginny's baby blanket yesterday, and I'm going to spend some time tonight working on the Halfling's blanket (about 2/3 done).  Carpet cleaners are coming on Friday... Other than a bizarre pizza dough malfunction last night, things are just tickity-boo, as my bio-dad would say. 

On to this week's update...

How far along? 36w0d (OMG... two weeks left!)

Maternity clothes? I actually think I have found a use for these worn out maternity t-shirts that I've been wearing.  I found a fun tutorial on making t-shirt shag rugs on Pinterest and I think I'm going to give it a shot, some time maybe next fall.  I've also decided that when I transition into my nursing bras in a couple weeks, I'm going to throw out all my regular bras.  That way I will be forced to go for a fitting and buy some new ones!

Body Oddities? All the usual stuff, plus serious hot flashes, intense hip pain, and some real contractions when I've been on my feet for too long.

Sleep? A few good nights a week, a few bad. 

Intense Dreams? HOLY CRAP... this week has been insane!  Quasi-naughty dreams about Maks from Dancing With The Stars, bizarre dreams about disgusting vericose veins, and don't even get me started on the dreams that news story about the baby born with 6 legs inspired.

Best moment this week? Finishing the spring cleaning.

Worst moment? Lots and lots of hip pain.  So bad that it wakes me up in the night.  I'm trying to take it easier now that the spring cleaning is done.

Movement? Still frequent enough for me not to worry, but definitely less often now that things are getting a little crowded in there.

Food cravings/aversions? I'm hungry all the time, but I can't eat much at one time without feeling nauseated.  This has been causing a few problems with my blood sugars (extreme lows), so I've been having to tweak my insulin down a few notches every day.  And yes, I still want Milanos and/or apple pie filling (ice cold). 

Rings? Off.  I've been retaining a fair bit of water this week.  I think I've probably passed my top weight when I was carrying Ginny.  Still less than 10 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight.

Gender? Still thinking that the Halfling is a girl.  We'll know soon.

Medical Concerns? Gestational Diabetes (insulin 5x a day), High blood pressure (100mg of lobetalol 2x a day), continuing heartburn (60mg of pantaloc), low lying placenta, low iron

What I miss? walking rather than waddling, iced coffee

What I look forward to?  doing my freezer cooking this weekend, crafting with some friends tomorrow night

Emotional State? I can't wait for this crazy pregnant biotch who's taken up residence in my head to take a flying leap.  My poor Beloved never knows when I'm going to snap.

Week 37: Breathing Easier & Blog Challenge Day 20: A Hobby

Hey Humble Readers...

I was a little wiped yesterday, so I missed doing my weekly update.  I can't believe I'm officially full term now.  It seems so surreal.  In a little over two weeks, we'll have our little Halfling here with us!  Amazing!

How far along? 37w1d

Maternity clothes? I couldn't fit into a pre-pregnancy pair of pants now if I wanted to.  Some t-shirts and sweaters still fit tho.  Thankfully, we are experiencing a really nice autumn now, so it's not a big deal that my winter coat doesn't fit any more.

Body Oddities? Nothing new, except for a lack of braxton hicks.  Even the round ligament pain has eased off.  A little strange.  I'm a little concerned that they're going to come back with a vengance any time.  I have finally passed my pre-pregnancy weight, by about a pound and a half. 

Sleep? Still a hit or miss situation.  Some nights are better than others.  The time change this week really threw me for a loop.

Best moment this week?  Dinner at my MIL's place.  Got to see a couple of my BILs and their wives.  We all live within a couple of hours of each other, but rarely all get together.  The guys put up Mom C's Christmas lights, and the ladies watched that "Everybody Loves Babies" documentary.  It was really cute, and we killed ourselves laughing. 

Worst moment?  Just overdoing it on Saturday.  It really hit home how limited my physical capabilities are right now.  Honestly, it worries me about being able to handle labor... I mean, I can't even do a little shopping without being in serious pain.  How am I going to push out this Halfling?

Movement?  All the time... except when I'm hooked up to the monitors for my NST.  Then I have to drink ice water, and poke at my belly repeatedly to get him/her to wake up. 

Food cravings? Like last week, no real cravings, just obsessions.  This week, all I want is a big fat cheeseburger, with lots of pickles, sauteed onions, and some sort of secret sauce.  I want a big plate of fries... with gravy and cheese.  Terrible, huh?

Rings? Off... and I think they'll be staying off now for a while.  Hope to have them back on by Christmas.  :)

Gender? Not going to find out, but I think it's a boy.  This is the first week that it has really bothered me, not knowing.  I saw some really sweet Christmas outfits, but I don't know if I need a dress or a little boy's outfit. 

Intense Dreams?  One that stands out... I was in labour, and my nurse was the nurse who taught our prenatal classes.  It seemed like a pretty normal dream, until the nurse started wearing a huge clown mask.  She's trying to coach me through the pushing, and all I can see are her eyes behind this crazy mask. 

Medical Concerns? High blood pressure (on 50mg Trandate/Lobetalol, 3 times a day), Gestational Diabetes (actually doing really well, except for the occassional low), on prescription Zan.tac for heartburn. Being induced on November 25th. 

What I miss?  Being able to go more than an hour without having to pee, being able to cook a meal without having to get my Beloved to get the pots from down low, or ingredients from up high. 

What I look forward to?  Finishing off my to do list so that I can have a few days to relax before this little person makes his/her appearance. 

Emotional State? Frustrated with the physical limitations I'm facing, but other than that I'm doing ok.

*****
Today's blog challenge assignment is to talk about a hobby of mine.  I honestly don't really have one currently.  I have in the past been a very avid scrapbooker, cross-stitcher, writer, and I have tried my hand at crocheting (with pathetic results).  Earlier this year, I was really into looking into our geneology.  As you have probably guessed, I have a lot of unfinished projects. 

Most recently, I took up knitting again.  I learned how to knit when I was in junior high, but let it go.  You may recall back in May or June I mentioned that I was going to knit a blanket for the Halfling.  Well, considering that it was only a baby blanket, it sure took me long enough to finish it (and technically it's not finished yet, I need to weave the little loose ends in).  I finished knitting it on the weekend, and I've been very excited to show it to you. 

Now keep in mind that this is just a very simple blanket, and I know that my tension needs work.  But I'm very proud of it, nonetheless.