Good evening Humble Readers... I hope you have all had a good weekend.
Something has been coming to mind a lot in the last few days (in conversation with my pastor, on a message board someone was talking about dreams, and then Wise Guy posted about a dream she had recently), and I want to share it with you all. I will preface this by saying that I have never been one to put a lot of stock in dream analysis. I have always believed that dreams are just our mind's way of dealing with day to day events and preoccupations.
But...
When I was pregnant the second time, last winter, I had a dream that has stayed with me. It was just before my first u/s, at around 8.5 wks, and I didn't know yet that things had again gone wrong.
In my dream, my Beloved and I were grocery shopping. In typical dream fashion, I knew that the store was the little grocery store near our condo, but inside it was laid out like a store I used to go to for popsicles when I was in elementary school.
In my dream we were taking our new baby girl out for the first time. Showing her off to the ladies at the check out... being proud parents. I think we were shopping for food for a family event. I know that we were expecting company.
In my dream I remember looking at some items in a long freezer chest in the grocery store. When I looked back at my shopping cart, the baby was gone. We couldn't find her. We had lost her. I remember being terrified in the dream... thinking that I was a terrible mother because I couldn't even take care of my baby for one day. I was just so upset.
But then, in my dream, I saw my Beloved walking toward me, holding a beautiful little girl. She was in a pink dress, with dark hair that looked like my bio-dad's and my Beloved's brown eyes. I can see her dress, her smile, her fingers.
This little girl was NOT the baby we 'misplaced'. My Beloved walked right up to me and told me that he couldn't find the baby that was lost, but this beautiful girl was ours. I don't know where he found her or where she came from, I just knew without a doubt that she was ours.
I think it was because of this dream that I knew before our u/s that I was going to m/c again.
But that little girl in the dream... she is my deam girl. She is a seed of hope. Hope that I will be a mom some day.
Am I foolish for hanging on to a dream that I had almost a year ago? Probably.
I hope that you do find your dream girl and carry her to full term.
ReplyDeleteWell, I am not a dream giant myself.
ReplyDeleteBut I think that dreams sometimes serve to us, our deepest fears, and our greatest desires.
I was never great at this dream thing at all, but quite spontaneously, I found strong dreams interspersed with my fertility woe years.
I am so hopeful for you. I am so wanting that girl in the little pink dress to come to you.
Don't you see that your heart got the message right from the dream.
I have had Clio give me very interesting interpretations to what I have seen.
What did your pastor have to say about this?
I do not take my dreams very seriously, but I now know that there has to be some documentation.
I think it's good to have hope no matter what the reasoning is.
ReplyDeleteWhat a precious gift our dreams can be. I see the biggest importance of dreams to give us perspective or ideas or even hope. I hope so very much that you get to meet her some day, that she represents moving forward to your someday fabulous hobbit family.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're foolish at all. Hold onto whatever keeps you going in the crazy IF battle.
ReplyDeleteI've had many dreams about babies and losing them too. And I believe that many times those dreams highlight the helplessness that I feel and the feeling that this will never work for me.
I have faith that someday you'll be holding your little dream girl.
I've recently been lurking here, catching up with some old friends I guess you could say...and I wanted to let you know a) that I've been thinking of you; b) I'm happy to have found a way to keep tabs on your journey and c) Joseph had many dreams, as did many others...we seem to have forgotten the important messages that are delivered to us in our dreaming state.
ReplyDeleteHope is something to hold onto, and one has a much stronger grasp when there is an image that we can keep in our hearts.
I don't think you're foolish, I think that it was a beautiful, reassuring message and you should hold it close to your hope.
ReplyDeleteMy cousin's wife had a dream years and years and years ago about a family outage where she and her two daughters, who were around 10 were buying psotcards. At that time she had two sons 7 and 2 and was pregnant with her third son. After the birth of her youngest son and two miscarriages, she had to have a hysterectomy. She was ready to let go of her dream.
ReplyDeleteSix years later she was back in her native Ukraine with my brother and SIL when they were adopting, as an interpreter. In the orphanage where my brother adopted from she met her two daughters. They were definitely the girls she dreamed of, not because of their looks, but because how they were behaving, talking, laughing.
Just three days ago they arrived home, as a family, after adopting both girls and the little brother of one of them. The girls are now 10 and 11.
She always thought that she miscarried those girls, yet they were waiting for her elsewhere.
So my point is: no, it is definitely not foolish to hang onto a dream!