Sunday Night Chit Chat: Odds & Ends

Hey Humble Readers...

Well, where did that week go?  Hmmm....

AF has been and gone, and kicked my ass in the process.  The old witch brought a particularly nasty IBS flare along with her that made going for my walks, or anywhere else for that matter, fairly impossible.  Even with AF around, and only being able to get half of my usual walks in, I still managed to lose a couple more pounds this week.  Woohoo!  (Take that jackass who hollered 'hey fatty!' at me today in the mall parking lot)

Summer is most certainly here on the flatland.  Once the rains stopped last week we started hitting the crazy hot summer temps (30C, feels like 36C.  That's hot for us anyway) that make the hobbit-hole more than a little uncomfortable.  I do love this time of year though for one reason... it's daylight from five in the morning until ten at night.  The joys of living this far north!  The only down side to having this much daylight means that the fireworks for Canada Day tomorrow don't get started until 11:30 at night.  Rather prohibitive given that we have two wee-lings and my Beloved has to work the next day. 

I'm hesitant to say this just yet, but my black thumb may be turning the teensiest bit green.  I planted two basil plants, three thyme, two lavender, and one gerbera daisy in pots out on the balcony and so far about half of them are doing pretty good.  The basil (my nemesis) is doing really well, as is the thyme.  The lavender is fading, but I honestly think I got a couple of bum plants to start with.  I had thought the gerbera was a goner, but it seems to be perking up.  Overall, 50% is a marked improvement.  Last year when I planted basil, it completely died within two weeks of potting it, and I won't even remind you about my tomato harvest of last year.  

I finished watching the first season of Game of Thrones.  Loved it!!  I'm not sure that I'll read the books, as my to-read list is immense right now, but I won't rule it out sometime down the road.  I'm a little bummed right now though, because I'm 25th on the hold list for season 2 from the library.  They have two copies, with another on order, but it will be a while yet before I get to watch it. 

And because I'm a royalist, I feel I need to put this out there.  My predictions for the Duchess of Cambridge's wee-ling:  The baby will be born on July 15th, will be a relatively little baby (7lbs-ish), will be a girl, and she will be named Victoria (with the names Diana, Elizabeth, and some form of Carol as middle names).  IF by chance it's a boy, his name will be Arthur (with Phillip, Charles, and George as middle names).  What are your predictions?

Anywho, on to this week's chit chat.  Here's what I'm...

Reading...  Still reading Paris by Rutherfurd.  Loving it!  Just taking a while to get through because I've been so tired this past week.  After  I'm done with Paris, I'll be moving on to the sequel to The Devil Wears Prada (can't remember what it's called just now).  My to-read list is getting a little out control, so I have to get moving.

Watching...  Nothing at the moment, but tonight my Beloved and I will be watching "The Great Escape" (an old war movie... Beloved got it for Father's Day).  I'll be recording a couple of regular Sunday night shows (Food Network Star and Whodunit) for later in the week. 

Listening to... my Beloved reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom to Ginny. 

Cooking/Baking... Oh Humble Readers!  The hobbit hole smells divine!  Tonight we are having BBQ pulled pork sandwiches with cole slaw.  I've got the pork doing it's thing in the slow cooker (the oven will not be getting turned on this week at all!) and it's all I can do to not dive into it right now.  It smells sooooooooo good!

Happy I accomplished this week...  Purged the wee-lings' dressers and closet, and sold $18 worth of it to the local kids consignment store (donated the rest to a thrift store).  Got the wee-lings swim suits.  Found some sugar-free, lactose-free chocolate ice cream bars that are only 5 grams of carbs each and they taste good!  Put together the list of to do's for the hobbit hole in preparation for listing it (hopefully next summer?  maybe?). 

Looking forward to next week...  Taking the wee-lings to the splash park tomorrow.  Going through my hoarder-esque stack of magazines. 

Thankful for this week... That we have fans that work hard to cool the hobbit-hole.  That I get the privilege to live in this beautiful country.  Even with it's flaws, I wouldn't choose to live anywhere else. 

***Bonus Question*** What was your very *first* real job?  Other than babysitting, which I hated, my first job was at a small town pizza restaurant as a dishwasher and as the restaurant's costumed mascot.  Yup, I dressed up in a bear costume and did kids' birthday parties and stood out on the corner sweltering in the summer sun waving at the passing cars.  I was even in a couple of parades.  And it was supposed to be a big secret about who was in the bear costume, so I could never tell my friends what I was doing.  I worked there when I was 12-13.  I made pretty good money for a preteen in the 80s.  $10/hour when I was the bear, $5/hour when I was dishwashing. 

*****
This was posted as a part of Carla's Sunday Night Chit Chat.  Click on over and see what the others are chatting about tonight. 

Sunday Night Chit Chat: Before & During

Howdy Humble Readers...

A few days ago, Elana asked for some before and after pics of me and my weight loss.  I'm not going to call them before and after, because I'm not near "after" yet.  However, I will call them "during" pics.  I had some difficulty finding a picture to qualify as before... partly because I'm always the one behind the camera, and partly because I honestly hate pictures of me (due to my over abundance of me).  I'm going to give you a few befores...

December 2012 - had just started losing weight
About 305lbs

May 2012 - when I was 36wks pregnant with Pip.
No one at my church realized I was pregnant.
Around 312lbs. 

September 2009 - In NYC
I was 320lbs when we got home from that trip.

And now for a couple of durings...

Yesterday, at 255.8
(I've lost another pound since)
Like my new haircut?

Hadn't realized how baggy those pants were.  Ick!
I just bought them in April. 

I don't see a whole lot of a difference, yet.  Yeah, there's a difference between me now and me when I was almost full term pregnant, but people who saw me on a regular basis didn't even realize I was pregnant, so that says something about what kind of shape I was in.  I was at my heaviest just after our NYC trip, and I had yo-yo'd around between 280-310ish during/immediately following my pregnancies.  At the end of November 2012, what I consider to be the start of this weight loss journey, I was 309lbs.  As of this morning I'm 254.8lbs.  Woohoo! 

What I have noticed is that I have a lot more stamina.  I can walk a lot farther before I get tired, and my feet and legs don't ache like they used to.  I'm doing a squat challenge this month and I'm up to 190 squats (today's count).  My legs are much stronger now, and I can get up to the 140s or so before it starts getting challenging.  I can make the 3 or 4 trips out to the car to get the groceries and not be huffing even a bit. 

My blood sugars are great.  I'm hopeful that when I next go to the doc (early August) we'll be able to lower my dosage on both the metformin (for the Big D) and my lobetalol (for high blood pressure).  I'm really happy with my progress up to this point.  Now I just need to keep up my motivation. 

On to tonight's chit chat.  Here's what I'm ...

Reading - I had planned on reading the last in the Mitford series this week, but my hold at the library on the new Edward Rutherfurd book, Paris, came in and Mitford got bumped.  I'm not all that far into it yet, but that's the way it usually goes for me with his epic tomes. 

Watching - I'm recording Food Network Star for later in the week, along with the new reality competition show Whodunit.  Instead of watching regular tv, I'm going to watch an episode or two of Game of Thrones.  I'm really enjoying it (graphic violence and sexuality notwithstanding)... can definitely tell that it was inspired by LOTR.  Many similarities.

Listening To - Until just a minute ago, I was listening to my Beloved going through the bedtime rituals for the wee-lings.  Change clothes, brush teeth, story, "saying amens", and tucking in.  So sweet.

Cooking/Baking - Tonight was standard Sunday night fare... roast beef, taters, veg (zucchini and mushrooms).  My favourite meal from the last week was when I made roast beef Florentine paninis.  Roast beef, roasted red peppers, spinach, brie, and a garlic-horseradish mayo.  It was seriously yummy!

Happy I Accomplished This Week - Got my hair cut!!!  It's only been 6 months since my last cut, which is actually good for me.  I also coloured my hair last night.  (need to work on that skill a bit more... not entirely happy with the result)

Looking Forward to Next Week - The long weekend coming up.  Going through the wee-lings' dressers for another purge... and hopefully being able to make some money by selling some of their too-small clothes to the local consignment shop. 

Thankful For This Week - That the Shire escaped the flooding that has so ravaged the southern half of our province.  That, while the loss of property due to the flooding has been heart-breaking, there has been minimal loss of life. 

***Bonus Question*** What was your least favourite part and your most favourite part of the last week?  Least favourite... a disagreement my sister and I had about parenting philosophies.  Most favourite... yesterday morning.  I had gotten in my walk, we had gone to the farmer's market, and were home just hanging out.  It was so relaxing, and I commented to my Beloved on how GOOD (physically and emotionally) I was feeling. 

*****
This was posted as a part of Carla's Sunday Night Chit Chat.  Please click over and see what the others are chatting about tonight.

Wet

Hey Humble Readers...

According to Ginny, it's "drippin'" outside.  Big drips and little drips.  LOTS of drips. 

I don't know if you've heard, or if it would even get a mention on your news, but our province is in a serious situation.

For the past 24 hours, more than two thirds of our province (geographically speaking.  Probably three quarters of our population) have been under evacuation alert due to serious flooding.  The big city to the south has hundreds of thousands of people evacuated and there are sections of the Trans-Canada highway (THE major highway across Canada) that have been washed out.  I just heard on the news that the zoo in the big city to the south may be moving the big cats from the zoo there to the jail cells below the courthouse... crazy. 

Here in the Shire, we are fine.  The Shire declared a state of emergency last night.  Our river is likely going to crest at around noon today (four hours from now), but the way that our city was laid out means that very few homes or businesses will be endangered by the high waters.  Our primary concern is for the water treatment plant.  The hobbit-hole is well above the risk of flood, thank heaven. 

Rainfall has been breaking old records left and right.  The last major flood in the big city to the south was in 2005, and they are saying that the water levels are twice as high as they were then. 

Please send prayers and good thoughts for those who have had to leave their homes, and for the emergency responders and the military who have been called in to help.

Potty Training Woes

Hey Humble Readers...

I am a very frustrated hobbit. 

I'm frustrated primarily with myself.  And with all the people who I have listened to about how Ginny should be potty trained by now. 

(and yes, I admit, I am a tad frustrated with Ginny.)

This was our third go round of trying to get potty training started.  And again we crashed and burned. 

It's likely that I'm the one doing something wrong here, but honestly, I'm stuck for ideas.  Here's what I'm doing right now.

• I refuse to use pull-ups because they just don't make sense.  I have a bunch of the quilted, thick training pants for her. 
• I put her in her training pants right after breakfast.  She sits on the potty right away, and then every fifteen minutes thereafter, until after lunch (naptime).  She doesn't wear any jeans or shorts. 
• I push the salty snacks and fluids to make it so that she has to pee more often.
• I have moved the potty from the bathroom to the kitchen, so that she doesn't have as far to go.  This also helps as I need to be able to keep an eye on Pip. 
• I took her shopping for pretty 'big girl undies'.  She knows that she will get to wear them when she learns to go pee in the potty. 
• I printed off a couple of different charts and got some Hello Kitty stickers for her to use when she actually goes on the potty. 
• I give her a Smartie (like an m&m... it's a Canadian thing) every time she sits on the potty.  I've told her that she will get two smarties when she goes pee on the potty and three when she goes poop. 
• We sing songs and read stories while she's on the potty to keep her seated and relaxed. 
• We have tried "teaching" her stuffed puppy, Stanley, to go on the potty so that we can celebrate and go through the whole process.

And still... NOTHING.  Not a single drop in the potty. 

Repeatedly, she will sit on the potty for a while, then get up without doing anything.  Then, later, she will pee in her pants without even noticing.  Seriously, she doesn't notice that she's wet.

I'm getting really sick of cleaning up puddles.  And we don't have laminate or hard wood.  Just linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom, but we live in the living room.  Carpet.  *sigh*

I'm so angry with myself for being pushed into trying to start training her last summer.  It was ridiculous, but it's now set us up for this cycle of frustration and feeling like a failure (yeah, that's totally on me.  She seems oblivious, except for being irritated with having to interrupt playtime to go sit on the potty). 

I know that she's feeling my frustration.  How can she not?  A big part of me wants to pack it in until her birthday next November. 

Someone, anyone, please... tell me that this will happen.  That she won't be the only kindergartener still in diapers. 

(And I swear to heaven above, I won't even bother trying to start training Pip until he's 3!)

A Sputtering Spark

Howdy Humble Readers...

Almost two weeks ago, I read this post over at Too Many Fish To Fry, and I said "YES!  I NEED TO DO THIS!"  (Please take a moment and go read it.  It's awesome!)  I was smiling as I read it and I started to feel myself getting excited...

Spending the summer focussing on my dream.  On that thing that gets me excited.  Eight weeks to get out of this rut in which I seem to be stuck.  It sounded great, until...

WHAM!  It was like I ran straight into a plate glass window. 

What the hell is my dream? 

What do I get excited about these days?  I can tell you, not a whole heck of a lot. 

When I was 19, my dream was to go to college, get my degree in youth and family ministry and get a position in a church working with kids and teens and families.  I worked two full time jobs in order to save for school.  I went to college (one of the best experiences of my life), got my degree (and learned a LOT about myself and my faith), and made some great friends.  After graduation, I got a position in a church just as I had hoped, prayed, and dreamed.  That job transitioned into another position a continent away.  Unfortunately, I hadn't learned how to defend my personal boundaries, and I crashed and burned out after four years. 

So I moved home, not sure what was next.  Yes, with my parents.  And it was rather propitious that I did.  Later that year, my mom got lung cancer.  The jobs I worked at the time weren't what I would call dream jobs (my parents' office, a grocery store, and a Christian bookstore, although I'd always joked that if I ever left ministry I would likely work in a bookstore), my primary role in that timeframe was to look after my mom.  During those seven years, mom would develop and recover from five different types of cancer.  While it wasn't something I grew up dreaming about doing, taking care of my mom was important and I'm glad I was able to do it.

The year that Mom was recovering from lymphoma was the year I met my Beloved, and a different dream took hold.  Yes, of course, I had always hoped I would get married.  By this time I was 31, and statistically I was more likely to get hit by a bus than get married, so I wasn't sure anything would come of it, but I sure hoped.  That dream came true in a big way, and here we are a little over seven years from when we met, married and living a good life. 

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the hobbit with a baby carriage... Right?  That was the dream.  That was the plan.  Of course, we all know how that went.  Two losses in quick succession, and a diagnosis of recurrent pregnancy loss due to (primarily) a progesterone deficiency and (secondarily) advanced maternal age. 

IF/RPL took over my life.  I immersed myself in books, online forums, and of course the ALI community.  Like most dealing with IF, trying to conceive became the preeminent thing I thought about.  Taking my temperature every morning, watching for changes in my cm, scheduling our love life around the vagaries of my reproductive system, and then the dance of phantom symptoms that messed with my mind and my hopes month after month.  I ate, slept, and breathed the process. 

And miraculously, thankfully, we were blessed with our precious wee-lings.  I love being a mom.  I am completely thrilled that, while it's a challenge, we are able to make things work so that I can stay home with Ginny and Pip.  Being a mom isn't always fun, but it is rewarding.  And what I'm about to say in no way is meant to imply that I don't value being a stay at home mom. 

I think I've lost my dreams. 

Yeah, I have the vague ideas of stuff that I dream about.  A bigger home (where both wee-lings can have their own rooms, and we could have a second bathroom), travel with my Beloved (the UK, Europe, Africa, all around our beautiful continent), what my next 'career' might be when the wee-lings go to school. 

But I don't have anything that gets me excited, that inspires me, that gets my juices flowing. 

Yes, the weightloss thing is great.  I'm glad that I'm getting to a healthier weight and learning to control my blood sugars long term.  But it's a necessity, not a passion.  I'm never going to be a fitness junkie who talks about the beauty of the runner's high.

I love books and movies.  I get excited about upcoming releases (sometimes excessively so), but as soon as the book has been read or the movie watched the high of the anticipation fades. 

Cooking is fun, but I have never felt the inclination to do anything with it other than make good food that my family and I enjoy. 

Crafting is hit or miss for me.  Knitting never stuck.  Crochet and scrapbooking just don't work for me.  I can't draw.  Cross stitch can be enjoyable when my dyslexia isn't messing me up.  I'm not gifted in photography or music. 

Pinterest and Criminal Minds reruns have become my hobby.  And how very sad is that?

This state of affairs concerns me.  A lot.  I don't want to be one of those stay at home moms who loses themselves entirely into the world of 'home'.  I don't want to become my sister, who talks about the same things every day (the school doesn't open the doors early even when it's snowing/raining/windy, nobody had better mess up her clean kitchen, the amount of homework given to fifth graders is appalling, what a cow her MIL is, the other school-moms who drive big SUVs that they don't know how to park). 

I want to have something interesting to say, something that gets me fired up...

It goes beyond 'want'.  I NEED to be someone outside of being a mummy, for the sake of my children, my marriage, and myself.  But what the hell does that mean?  What does that look like in my life? 

Where did I put my 'spark of madness'?

I want to set some goals.  I want to see some progress being made.  I want to feel like I've accomplished something.  I just don't know what I'm working toward.