Fool's Hope

Take a look over to the right. It's ok, really... I want you to take a look at those two quotes over there. They are probably two of the most powerful quotes that I have ever read, and they have had an incredible impact on my life. I thought I would take a moment or two and share why.

The first quote, from Return of the King, is something that has resonated in my soul since the first time I read it many years ago. Yes, I am one of those people... the people who could easily lapse into daydreams of living in Middle Earth. Everyone who reads Tolkien's epic tale tends to identify with one race of Middle Earth beings. One of my very good friends is certain that she has an inner elf. The dwarves, the men of the west, the wizards, the ents, and even little twisted Gollum, all have their followers.

As for me... of course I identify with the hobbits of the Shire. If you are as yet unfamiliar with my distant cousins (three or four times removed, of course), I defer to the prologue of Fellowship of the Ring and Master Tolkien's very thorough description. For those who just need a refresher, let me remind you that hobbits are very mellow creatures who love peace and quiet, and 'good-tilled earth'. They derive great pleasure out of the simple things in life like good books, good food and wine, and good friends. They are short of stature, rotund, and have large hairy feet. Most abhor adventure and never stray much further than the end of their own lane. Sound like anyone you know? ;) (minus the hairy feet... I think it's a recessive gene)

At the point in the story where you would encounter the quote to the right you would find four young hobbits on a quest to do that which would seem impossible, to destroy the source of all evil. Two are making their way closer to the center of Mordor, the land of darkness and despair. One is preparing to ride into battle with the men of the Rohirim. And the last, Pippin, is watching the dark armies mass outside the gates of Minas Tirith, the great white city. It is that moment when all seems lost, when it would take a miracle for any of them to survive let alone succeed, that Pippin seeks comfort from his wise friend Gandalf.

But instead of providing reassurance that all will be well, Gandalf lets Pippin know that not all things end well in our world. To be cliche, bad things happen to good people. We can rail against it, hang onto our dreams of peace, be dragged from our hobbit-holes kicking and screaming, but we will all have to face the battle someday.

The second quote, from 1 Corinthians, is something I didn't come across until I was in college. Somehow I had always skimmed past it.

"For the message of the cross is foolishness..."

Sometimes we are so deep in our personal darkness, so caught up in worrying about the approaching armies of monsters, that when we are offered a ray hope we laugh at it. It's a fool's hope... only a complete idiot would believe that there is any way out of this mess.

Only a fool would believe that a creature as humble as a hobbit could destroy the ring of power. Only a fool would believe that a man who died on a cross two thousand years ago can save us from death.

Some of you, humble readers, if you have read this far, are cringing now. You weren't prepared for a mini-sermon. If it has come across that way, I apologize. It is not my place to preach, only to share where my hope comes from in the midst of the battles I face.

This fool will continue to hope...

My First ICLW

Hi and Welcome!

While there aren't many posts here yet, I have come to enjoy blogging and am excited to be reading what everyone else is up to.

About me:
Age: 34 (when did that happen?)
Hubby: 37, often referred to as 'Beloved' or 'Darling One'
Whereabouts: in a small winterbound city on the flatland, within sight (on a really good day) of my beloved Rocky Mountains, in my favourite country.
My History: I've lived in three countries, three provinces and three states (I've moved 58 or 59 times). I met my Beloved on a very well-known online matchmaking website. We were matched on Valentines day, 2006, and were married in April 2007. My family history is strange and twisted (but then, who's isn't?), and in my past I have had 6 parents.
TTC: We have been ttc (trying to conceive for those of my friends who aren't obsessed with procreation) since January 2008. We have had two miscarriages, both diagnosed as blighted ovum. We are now waiting for testing to begin.
Oddities: I am terrified of birds. My darling one hates watermelon. My great-grandmother had 21 children.

Read... enjoy... be bored... whatever... :)

Whatever Happened To Miss Manners?

I have been growing more and more cynical about our society over recent years. Maybe I'm hitting that age where everything isn't as good as it was when I was a kid. Maybe I'm destined to be a grouchy old bat who yells at little kids (please God, I hope not!). Maybe my expectations are just too high. Maybe I've just worked in retail too long.

What is wrong with people? Where have all their manners gone?

No one says thank you. No one says excuse me. No one picks up after themselves.

Let me give you an example of how far our society has fallen. A few nights ago, Valentine's Day actually, my Beloved and I went to a movie. I knew that the main theater in our small city has notoriously slow lines for tickets and concessions, so I planned accordingly. We arrived early and my Darling One got in the concession line while I stood in the ticket holders line outside the theater. While in line people pushed past me to get to the ladies room without so much as an 'excuse me' or a 'sorry'.

Then there were the 'crowders'. You know who they are. The people who have no understanding of personal space and persist in bumping you with their elbows or purse or whatever while they are in line behind you. No matter how many half-steps forward you take to move away from them, they just take it as a cue to move even closer.

And once I was finally in the theater, things went from bad to worse. First there was the man behind us who was loudly shoveling popcorn into his mouth... and chewing with his mouth open. *ICK* There were the two teenage girls sitting two rows in front of us texting each other throughout the entire movie. Then we were serenaded by a chorus of burps and belches and other disgusting chewing sounds from every side. And finally, there was the I-need-to-pee-every-ten-minutes-because-I-just-drank-a-large-Coke girl in our row.

People, the movie theater is not your living room! If you are that free with your bodily functions in the privacy of your own home, that's one thing. But please, don't subject the rest of us to it!

Another area that continues to shock me is people's behavior in a retail environment. I know that I am jaded in this area but sometimes people can still amaze me in their lack of manners. People interupt conversations, they snap their fingers at me when they want assistance, they pull product off the shelf and leave it on the floor. They get grumpy at me when I ask that they return to the coffee shop in our store to get a lid for their drink (Hello... our product is paper... one drop of your venti half-caff mocha with extra caramel drizzle and a book is ruined!). Then there are the ones refuse to get a lid, spill their coffee, and don't bother to clean it up or even ask for help in cleaning it up. People use language that twenty years ago would have had them banned from any store, and they verbally abuse my staff (no, a 16 year old cashier is not resposible for the difference in Canadian and American pricing and calling her a b*tch isn't going to get you anywhere except escorted out of my store).

And my personal favorite... parents who bring their children into our store, plunk them down in front of the toy table in our kids department, and then wander off to go look for something on the other side of the store. We are not babysitters! Heaven help us if something happens to one of these little abandoned angels while mommy is off perusing Oprah's latest pick.

Ok, so this post has wandered a bit. Basically, it comes down to three things...

Say Please!

Say Thank you!

Live the Golden Rule!

(And for those who have forgotten... Do unto others as you would have done unto you!)

Ok, rant over... for now.

Oh My Aching Feet... or You-Know-You've-Had-Too-Much-Vacation-When..

Ok... first day back at work in ten days.

It was a good day. Spent an hour getting caught up on staffing changes, events missed, and new computer protocols. My desk was a mess (I left it tidy and clear), but that's to be expected. Got to check back in with my staff and it was fun hearing everything I had missed.

It was a rough day. I'm out of shape... ok, that's the understatement of the year, but it's true. I can tell that I have spent too much time lazing around in recent weeks. At first I was trying to 'take it easy' and not do anything overly strenuous that might hurt the baby. Let me tell you, unless you are told by your doctor to sit on your butt, don't! (My great-grandmother had 21 kids and never spent a day resting because she was pregnant) Then, I allowed myself to wallow. Sitting on the couch, up to my eyes in grief, staying active was the last thing on my mind. And now I have just spent a week playing too many video games! Argh!

I felt it all today when I spent several hours on my feet, moving product from this display to that display, trying to make room for the six skids of product we are scheduled to receive in addition to our usual shipments before the weekend. I have until Sunday to get my body back into work mode... we have a major merchandising change-over and I have to be able to pull my own (considerable) weight.

I am aching. My feet, my back, my shoulders... my whole body hurts. But at the same time, it feels good to actually be feeling a bit more like me. I know that I've been in a daze since the beginning of December. Maybe the fog is lifting... maybe.

Cooking As Therapy... or the Lament of the Dusty House

Ok... So while I'm not as strong as I thought I was, I think things are slowly moving in the right direction.

Of course there are always speedbumps on the road to healing... and we have had our fair share. A week and a half ago, my sister's father-in-law passed away. While I didn't know the man well, I know that my brother-in-law would be devastated and wanted to do as much as I could for them, even from a distance. This amounted to a lot of listening as my sister ranted about her husband's screwy family and the craziness that ensued their patriarch's passing. I will save you the drama, but suffice it to say their family has Jerry Springer on speed-dial.

Then, just a few days ago, my Darling One's great aunt passed away. This was not unexpected. She was 91 and had been in slowly declining health for the last few years. But nonetheless, she was a rock in the family and her death has hit us all. Auntie K was the closest thing my Beloved has had to a grandmother, and she was a second mother to my mother-in-law (she was actually the mid-wife at my MIL's birth). Today there was a beautiful service to commemorate her life.

Now, any of you who know my mom know that when she is upset she cleans. So does my sister. I imagine my sister's house is spotless right now with all the stress she's been under. To my chagrin, I don't clean when I'm stressed... instead I cook.

I have been blessed to have the last week off work. I had great grandiose plans for what I was going to do with my week off. I was going to clean out the storage room (I swear it's getting done tomorrow morning!), reorganize the linen closet, and tackle the spare bedroom that has never really been dealt with since we moved in. I was going to do some reading (have only made it halfway through a reread of Memoirs of a Geisha) and writing (story ideas don't come until the end of my vacation time... I should know that by now). And in general I was just going to get my life back to normal.

What did I do instead? Watched waaaaaaaay too much daytime tv, spent too much time with Mario and his crazy brother Luigi trying to defeat Bowser and rescue Princess Peach, and listening to the same CD over and over while playing Mahjongg.

BUT... I did have a productive day in the middle of the week. Instead of dusting and vaccuuming like I had planned, I suddenly felt inspired to cook. I mean really cook. I love cooking for my loved ones. I love trying new recipes. I love experimenting (as this evening's dinner can prove, my experiments don't always work) and I love feeding people.

So, in one day I am proud to say that I made:

• 1 dozen Crusty French Rolls
• a pot of Beef Stew
  
• a ginormous pot of Italian Sausage & Tortellini Soup (zucchini, carrots, onions, garlic, tomatoes, etc)
• a medium pot of Beef Barley Soup
• a loaf of Brioche (which turned out amazing for a first try)

And I just have one word... YUM! Considering the veritable multitude of things that could have gone wrong with making that many different recipes at once, I am proud to say that they all turned out and turned out well. I now have two weeks worth of homemade soup in my freezer and a husband who is ecstatic that I have promised not to order pizza again in the next month.

I found something in the process of chopping veggies and separating eggs. I found a moment of contentment. I had some peace, in the midst of the chaos I created in the kitchen. I felt like me again. I may never be a mom, but damn it I can cook and I can be proud of that.

And that humble readers is the point of this rambling story. Come for dinner any time. I'll hook you up with some pretty good food, if I do say so myself.

(Oh, and Mom, if you are reading this... I did the dusting and vaccuuming after I cleaned up the kitchen)