100 Ways To Encourage A New Mom

Hey Humble Readers...

I confess that I spend waaaaaay too much time on Pinterest. 

It's an addiction.

But sometimes it's an addiction pays off. 

I just came across this post from GypsyMama about how to encourage a new mom, and I have to say I was practically in tears as I read it. 

1. Fold her laundry – especially all the socks
2. Leave immediately when the baby falls asleep so she can nap
3. Bring chocolate
4. Don’t tell her to call if she needs anything, just drop by and help with everything
5. Take the big kids out for a play date
6. Tell her she’s a hero
7. Bring her food in disposable dishes so she doesn’t have to deal with washing or returning them
8. Don’t tell her to carpe diem (and don't tell an IFer that 'this is what she wanted for so long')
9. Cry with her
10. Laugh with her
11. Share details of what you love about her baby
12. Watch "Up All Night" with her
13. Don’t tidy your house before she comes over to visit – it doesn’t help her to think you have it all together
14. Tell her a day will come when she will sleep again
15. Make her a 2am nursing station on Pandora
16. Email her a bunch of fun deals links she can surf while nursing
17. Make sure she’s actually in 1 out of every 1,000 photos she’s taking (I wish I had someone who did this for me last year)
18. Take candid pictures of her in the new daily routine
19. Bring diapers when you visit
20. Offer to drive her on errands and stay in the car with the baby
21. Be honest about how hard motherhood can be
22. Text her encouraging messages throughout the day
23. Come over and hold the baby so she can have her arms back for a while to do chores or cook or catch up on anything that’s driving her crazy
24. Tell her to keep her phone on vibrate so you can call without being “that person who woke the baby.”
25. Don’t let her become isolated in the baby cocoon – invite her and the baby out so she can reconnect with friends
26. Never expect her to show up anywhere on time
27. Bring her lip gloss (or chapstick!!!)
28. Massage her neck and shoulders
29. Run her a hot bath
30. Don’t imply that breast feeding should be a breezy walk in the park; let her know it’s normal to struggle sometimes getting the hang of it
31. If she chooses to go the bottle route, please let her do so guilt free
32. She is just discovering the hard world of mother guilt – please don’t do or say anything to add to that burden
33. Don’t share any horror stories related to motherhood
34. Protect her from turning on the news in her first few weeks of being home
35. Vacuum
36. Bring fresh flowers
37. Take out any dried up bouquets
38. Paint her toe nails
39. Tell her she’s beautiful
40. Don’t tell her by now your kids were all sleeping through the night
41. Especially if by “sleeping through the night” you mean from 1am to 5am.
42. Remember that your memories of new motherhood have the romantic haze of distance
43. Wash her dishes without being asked
44. If you come over for a meal, please bring the meal and then clean it all up afterwards
45. Let her know it’s normal to stand hunched over a sleeping baby just listening to them breathe
46. Anytime she is disappointed by her new figure remind her that she grew a human being – that’s a miracle and turns out miracles need room to grow
47. Don’t bring over any magazines that feature celebrities in swimsuits 6 weeks after giving birth
48. Ask her what the one chore is around the house she wishes she could get to and do it for her
49. Always bring your camera when you visit
50. Print and frame one of the zillion photos she emails of the baby; include baby’s name and birth date {it blew me away when my friends did this for me!}
51. Bring toys/games over for the older kids when you visit
52. Tell her it’s OK to feel like you want to quit motherhood some days
53. But tell her that Trace Adkins is right and she’s gonna miss this one day
54. Don’t just make a hand print of the baby – make one of mom and/or dad’s too for a fun comparison keepsake
55. Bring her a Memory Keeper Box for that hospital bracelet, first lock, or even those first few pairs of shoes or favorite toys
56. If she has to go back to work, assure her God will be watching over that precious baby. She is brave if she gets up while it is still dark to provide for her family
57. Tell her pizza covers all the food groups
58. Hold the baby so she can get a shower
59. Bring over the Pride and Prejudice (BBC Series) boxed set for all those dinner {for the baby} and a movie {for her} months
60. Ask her which baby items she still needs – get her those instead of the cute clothes you have your eye on
61. Assure her you understand that while she might know that she’s walking on holy ground, that doesn’t mean she won’t still feel irritated how often that ground is strewn with cracker crumbs and yesterday’s socks (This is especially true for IFers!)
62. Admit motherhood is one of the hardest things you’ve ever done
63. Go ahead and quote that goodie-but-oldie, “It’s not brave if you’re not scared.” {Thank you Ben Affleck}
64. Warn her everyone will have an opinion on how she mothers but at the end of the day, hers is the only one that matters
65. Assure her motherhood is not graded; some days just surviving is victory enough
66. Tell her that drive-throughs are the best friends of mothers-with-sleeping-babies everywhere
67. Keep a pack of Thank You Cards handy in case she freaks out late one night that she hasn’t thanked anyone for all the meals
68. Never expect a thank you card from a sleep deprived new mom
69. Tell her there is no such thing as “doing it all.” And especially no such thing as “doing it all perfectly.”
70. Reassure her that sometimes the love and happiness in a home is directly proportional to the mess.
71. Send a special prayer, encouragement or blessing addressed to the baby via snail mail
72. Turn the music up and dance with her and the baby
73. Suggest that the greatest Pandora station for soothing baby music that mama can also love has to be “Winter Song” by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles
74. Take her (and the baby) for a walk
75. Stock her fridge with necessities anytime you come over – like milk, bread, eggs, yogurt, ice cream etc – in case she isn’t up for grocery shopping
76. Watch the baby for her while she goes grocery shopping
77. Suggest she spend 15 extra minutes just reading in the magazine aisle
78. Tell her it’s normal to be be smitten with newborn love one minute and weeping with tired the next
79. Encourage her that a content household is rarely ever a perfect one
80. Remember to always be kind to the mom on your flight
81. Bring a goodie bag over for the new mom and not just the baby when you come to visit
82. If you’re too far to bring over a meal, tell her dinner from her favorite delivery place is on you
83. Tell her there’s no shame in cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner
84. Make up midnight snacks for her to grab when she’s up feeding the baby
85. Tell her not every photo needs to be perfect – sometimes the closer to real life, the better
86. Give her the The Girlfriends’ Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood for when she needs to laugh
87. Give her Devotions for Sacred Parenting: A Year of Weekly Devotions for Parents for when she needs to be inspired
88. Tell her matching socks are highly overrated
89. Wash the baby bottles for her
90. Tell her not to sweat store bought baby food, disposable diapers or pacifiers - whatever works, works
91. Reassure her that perfect is merely a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land
92. Tell her motherhood should come with a super hero cape, a really cute one with sparkles
93. Buy her sparkly nail polish
94. Tell her not to sweat everything Pinterest tells her she should be doing, baking, making and crafting for the baby
95. Encourage her to embrace PJ days – even if they last for weeks
96. Encourage her also to go spend two glorious hours at the hair dresser while you watch the baby
97. Tell her about all the women who did all these things for you
98. Assure her that just passing along the encouragement one day is thank you enough
99. Remind her it’s the ordinary days that make the extraordinary memories
100. Promise her it will just keep getting better

I so wish I would have seen this list ages and ages ago.  While I had a few people in my life who did some of these things for me, but just reading this list was like cool water for my soul. 

I hope I will always remember these things.  For myself, and to pass on to others.

These Days...

Hey Humble Readers... (if there are still any of you out there who haven't given me up for dead)

I'm here.  I'm alive.  And I thought I'd give you a peek into where I'm at these days.

These days...

I'm in awe of a beautiful little girl who amazes me just by being.  Ginny is officially mobile, rolling and army-crawling everywhere and getting into everything.  Her growth seems to have slowed down (finally!) now that she's burning calories galore.  It's hard to believe it's been almost 7 months since I first saw those big blue eyes and tht mop of dark hair (which isn't so dark any more... somedays it's more red and blonde than brown). 

These days...

I'm reading a lot more than I have in the last few years.  It feels good to get lost in a book for a time.  And now that Ginny is napping during the day (thank you solid food!) I get a bit of time each day and my reading muscles are getting a work out.  Now I just need to work on not reading until the wee hours of the morning so that I'm not a slug during the day.

These days...

I'm watching less tv.  Many of you may recall that I am a tv junkie.  I have been since I was a kid.  Now, due to our welcome-to-parenthood financial wake up call, there is much less to watch as we have cut our cable back to the bare minimum.  We've also changed service providers, so I don't know what channels have what on any more.  Another reason to just turn the idiot box off. 

These days...

I'm spending an inordinate amount of time trying to reconstruct and reorganize my computer.  I was hit with a doozy of a virus last month that resulted in the hard drive of my trusty little netbook being entirely wiped.  Thankfully, all the pics from the last few years are still on the memory cards, cds, and flash drives, but it's taking some time just to get the most recent things reloaded and organized.  Once I have them all back, I'm going to transfer them to an online photo storage site so that I don't have to go through this again.  And I won't even mention trying to find all my bookmarked websites.  *sigh*

These days...

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to stretch a buck.  Diaper service is gone (*sob*), as is the cable, eating out, and just random trips to the store for whatever I feel like having for lunch.  Our cell phones are next on the chopping block, but we are stuck with them until our contracts expire.  Beloved will keep his in a very scaled back form... likely pay-as-you-go.  I'm trying to find good sources for Canadian coupons, and good cheap recipes.  I still have my mat leave benefits until October, but we are working on getting our budget in line with what Beloved makes now, and using my mat-money to try to lower our monthly debt payments.  It's no joke, it's going to be tight, but we will make it.  It's more of an mental/emotional adjustment than anything right now. 

These days...

I have stopped tracking my cycles, put my FF account on hold, and am trying hard not to think about the fact that we have had to put trying for Halfling 2.0 on the back burner.  Our condo is just too small to add another person, and given the upside-down nature of both our mortgage and our car loan, we don't have the option of selling and moving up.  This has been the hardest part of the last month, coming to terms with the notion that while our family isn't yet complete, and I feel my eggs expiring every day, we have to wait.  I know that a baby doesn't take up much space, but just thinking about a baby and a toddler in this small place is frightening.

These days....

I spend a fair bit (too much!) time navel gazing.  Pondering who I am now, and what I'm doing.  It's nothing new, but all my adult life I have defined myself largely by my work.  I know that working retail doesn't seem like a huge contribution to society, but I enjoyed my work (most of the time) and my customers.  I took pride in helping people find what they were looking for and discover something new.  I know that I have a new and better job now... but still...  Honestly, I think I just need to fill my time better, so I can't get so self-centered.

These days...

I'm searching for my mojo.  I lost it somewhere this past winter and I want it back.  My bloggity mojo, my confident mojo, my cooking mojo (I've ruined far too many dishes lately), and by gum, my sexual mojo.  (Sorry, TMI) 

That's life in the hobbit-hole. 

I'm not making any promises (because I would hate to let you all down AGAIN), but I'm hoping to be back here again soon... with pics, with recipes, and with ramblings. 

So, It's *THAT* Day, Eh?

Greetings Humble Readers...

Well, it's finally here. 

Mother's Day.  And I am now a mother, for all the world to see.  I have been asked numerous times in the last few days if I'm excited about my first Mother's Day.  I know they are being kind and expecting a happy smile, but...

After the years of sadness,grief, and longing, I have what I wished, hoped and prayed for.  A child to love... A beautiful. precious girl who stole my heart long before she drew breath.  So I'm left pondering why this particular Mother's Day which, on paper should be the happiest ever, is feeling rather anti-climactic. 

I'm sure that part of it is some of the lingering PPD (which is slowly getting better), but I have a few thoughts about it...

The biggest thing is, I don't consider this my first Mother's Day. 

Throughout our lives, we add to our personal labels, our mental credentials.  I'm a daughter, sister, wife, former-majorette, dyslexic, wannabe-writer, friend, Believer, plus-sized woman, lousy housekeeper, pretty decent cook, and an avid fan of boy bands.  And yes, a mother.

I added 'mother' to my credentials long before Ginny was born.  The first time I saw those two pink lines, the title of Mom took root in my heart.  Since that sunny July morning, I have been a mother, and when that pregnancy ended far too soon I made the choice not to give the mom-title back.  There were many (far too many) days when I was certain that I would never be a mom to anyone but my angel-babies. 

But through all of it, I never relinquished my Mom credentials. 

And I think the same can be said for you, my IF sisters.  From the first time you prayed, hoped, dreamed of a child.  From your first round of IUI or your fourth IVF, from the first of your homestudy paperwork or your 100th blood draw.  Whether you hold your children in your arms or in your hearts... YOU ARE MOTHERS!

By the way, I don't think Mother's Day is only a day in May.  At least for me, it's not. 

It's that sunny day in July, the heartbroken day in September.  It's when the two pink lines showed up, and when the ultrasound screen was blank. It's every remembered day of loss, and every missed EDD.  It's the day we first saw Ginevra's flickering heartbeat and the day I first felt her move.  And it's a dark snowy evening in November when my sweet wee girl made her first appearance. 

Those are my Mother's Days.

Hobbit-ish Thoughts On Motherhood (3 1/2 Days In)

Good Morning Humble Readers...

Where to begin? 

Right now my brain is still foggy and more than a bit love-addled, so I apologize if this post makes no sense at all. 

Our precious Halfling, who for privacy's sake will hereafter be referred to as Ginevra (bonus points if you can name the literary reference), has altered our life immensely and so much for the better.  Even in the midst of a postpartum emotional meltdown or frustrations over my lack of breast milk, I wouldn't give a single moment up. 

Words fail me when it comes to how I feel just now... at least I can't seem to string them together in anything resembling an articulate manner.  So, what follows is just a sampling of words and phrases that describe my mental, physical, and emotional state from the last few days...

Tired 
Immensely Joyful
Frustration
So Hungry
Thankful
Adoring
Losing All Sense of Time
Amazed
Sore
Limited
Humbled
Teary
Patient
Irritated
Defensive
Protective
Dehydrated
Uncomfortable
Happy
Isolated
Afraid
Congested
Out-of-Body
Numb
Over-stimulated
Victorious
Exhausted
Failing
Heart-bursting
Awed
Full of Wonder
Swollen
Beyond Blessed

*****
I want to send a special thank you to Kristin for looking after my corner of the blogosphere and introducing our Ginevra to you all!  Thank you my friend! 

*****
The birth story will come soon.  I need to get my thoughts and feelings together in one place about the whole experience.  Thank you for all your well wishes, good thoughts and prayers... it means so much to me to be able to share this with you all!