So, It's *THAT* Day, Eh?

Greetings Humble Readers...

Well, it's finally here. 

Mother's Day.  And I am now a mother, for all the world to see.  I have been asked numerous times in the last few days if I'm excited about my first Mother's Day.  I know they are being kind and expecting a happy smile, but...

After the years of sadness,grief, and longing, I have what I wished, hoped and prayed for.  A child to love... A beautiful. precious girl who stole my heart long before she drew breath.  So I'm left pondering why this particular Mother's Day which, on paper should be the happiest ever, is feeling rather anti-climactic. 

I'm sure that part of it is some of the lingering PPD (which is slowly getting better), but I have a few thoughts about it...

The biggest thing is, I don't consider this my first Mother's Day. 

Throughout our lives, we add to our personal labels, our mental credentials.  I'm a daughter, sister, wife, former-majorette, dyslexic, wannabe-writer, friend, Believer, plus-sized woman, lousy housekeeper, pretty decent cook, and an avid fan of boy bands.  And yes, a mother.

I added 'mother' to my credentials long before Ginny was born.  The first time I saw those two pink lines, the title of Mom took root in my heart.  Since that sunny July morning, I have been a mother, and when that pregnancy ended far too soon I made the choice not to give the mom-title back.  There were many (far too many) days when I was certain that I would never be a mom to anyone but my angel-babies. 

But through all of it, I never relinquished my Mom credentials. 

And I think the same can be said for you, my IF sisters.  From the first time you prayed, hoped, dreamed of a child.  From your first round of IUI or your fourth IVF, from the first of your homestudy paperwork or your 100th blood draw.  Whether you hold your children in your arms or in your hearts... YOU ARE MOTHERS!

By the way, I don't think Mother's Day is only a day in May.  At least for me, it's not. 

It's that sunny day in July, the heartbroken day in September.  It's when the two pink lines showed up, and when the ultrasound screen was blank. It's every remembered day of loss, and every missed EDD.  It's the day we first saw Ginevra's flickering heartbeat and the day I first felt her move.  And it's a dark snowy evening in November when my sweet wee girl made her first appearance. 

Those are my Mother's Days.