Sunday, March 25, 2012

Astonished At My Own Selfishness

Hey Humble Readers...

Have you ever had an eye opening experience that reveals some part of you that you are ashamed of?  I learned tonight that I am a very selfish hobbit.

I found out tonight that my grandmother (Ginny's GG) is not doing well.  Some background... she's the grandmother who had a series of strokes three years ago.  We thought we were going to lose her then.  My Beloved and I flew home to K-town, anticipating a funeral. 

But in true Grandma-stubbornness, she hung on.  She improved.  She would be in a nursing home, but she would survive. 

The past few years have been a series of ups and downs, and GG has surprised us many times, bouncing back from the brink.  The whole family acknowledges that it would be a blessing if she could just go... living partially paralyzed, in constant pain, and confused most days is no quality of life. 

So, tonight when I found out that she's having problems breathing and that she may be having more serious heart problems, what was my first thought?

She can't die right now.  I probably can't fly, and I don't want to be 32 weeks pregnant and doing a 12 hour road trip to go to a funeral.

How awful is that?  

I don't want to lose my grandma, but I know that it might be for the best.  I hope and pray that she holds on, honestly, because I want her to be able to meet this Halfling this summer.   Again, selfish.

Also, please pray/send good thoughts for a long time family friend, R, (he worked for my parents for many years).  He recently lost his step-father (who also worked for my parents), and now he has just been hospitalized with liver failure.  He is too young, around mid-50s like my mom, and his youngest daughter is getting married this summer.  


  1. Nah, those aren't selfish responses. They are normal responses from a loving granddaughter.

    Praying for your grandma and your family friend.

  2. I agree with Kristin. You are not selfish at all!!

  3. I don think you're selfish either. Those are normal reactions to the situation. Praying for your GG!

  4. I don't think you're selfish. Like Good Timing said, I think it's just a normal human reaction. I'm praying for your family and friend.

  5. Totally not selfish responses. And I did travel to my grandma's funeral while I was big pregnant, though not quite as far along as you are... and do you know what special fun I got on the road trip??? A freaking blood clot in my labia. For serious. You can go back in my posts to May and read all about "Gorbacrotch." Seriously, you don't want one.

  6. You are not selfish. You have to look after yourself.

    Coco's comment totally cracked me up. I've never heard of getting a blood clot in one's labia.


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