Without Apology

Good Morning Humble Readers...

All is well, here on the semi-frozen flatland.  We woke up to snow this morning.  Not much, but enough to remind us that this is Alberta, and snow can come anytime, especially in the spring. 

(at some point soon, I will write a post that isn't related to this pregnancy, hpts, doctor's appointments... I'm just a little tunnel-visioned right now.  If that means that you can't read for a while, I totally get it.  I hope that you will stick with me on this road, but if you need to take a detour, that's okay.  I understand.)

I made another decision last night.  My Beloved and I were discussing the future, particularly the nursery.  What colour I want to paint it, what we will need for furniture, and whether or not we will use cloth diapers. 

With every topic we discussed, I led off with, "I'm getting ahead of myself here..." or "If we get to that point..." or "I know I should wait to think about this..."  After three or four statements that started like that, I needed to stop.  I needed to acknowledge what was really going on in my head. 

As much as I want to not let the past colour my feelings about this pregnancy, that anxiety/fear/worry is there.  And it's not going to go away anytime soon. 

As I've stated before, I want and plan to cherish this pregnancy, no matter how long it lasts.  I want to dream and plan, to talk about the things that others who aren't a part of this club talk about when they're expecting. 

So, going forward, there will be no more provisos, no more apologies, no more if, only when... I am pregnant and I am going to let that sink in and even let it take priority in my thoughts.  Heck, I might even think about maternity leave. 

It still doesn't seem real.