Milestones (Part the Second)

mile·stone
n.
- A stone marker set up on a roadside to indicate the distance in miles from a given point.
- An important event, as in a person's career, the history of a nation, or the advancement of knowledge in a field; a turning point.


The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.


A while back I wrote this post about moving on after my second miscarraige. At the time I was celebrating a few different things including getting through an episode of Bringing Home Baby without bawling my eyes out.

Today I am facing a different milestone. One year ago today I got my first bfp. I had woken up early and peed on a stick. I remember staring at that pretty pair of lines. I felt overwhelmed, thrilled, and just a little scared. It felt like we had been waiting so long for this (oh, how little did we know then!) and I couldn't wait to share my news with the world. I actually went online to the ttc bulliten board that I frequented and announced my good news before I told my Beloved (like I said, it was early... I wanted to let him sleep a while).

After spending about an hour hugging the knowledge of our little bean to myself, I went and snuggled in bed with my Beloved. When he was just waking up, I whispered in his ear that he was going to be a daddy. His eyes shot open in shock and I never felt happier.

That happiness lasted for a month and a half. We told our families and friends. We bought a (second hand) stroller and car seat. We made plans for the nursery and maternity leave. We revelled in our joy. And then it ended.

If that little blighted ovum hadn't been so blighted, Emily Hope would be 3 1/2 months old now. I would be on mat leave and we would have a crib in the spare room instead of a few boxes and some empty bookshelves.

So I've been thinking about milestones. A milestone is a place to pause. A place to rest, plan the rest of your journey. To regroup and prepare the next leg of your trip. To take stock of where you are coming from and where you are going. To look back down the road and acknowledge that you were somewhere different than where you are now, and to look ahead to where you are hoping to end up.

Right now, as I sit beside the road and ponder these things, I feel like I'm sitting just below the crown of a hill. I can't see what's next but I hope that my destination isn't that far away. I'm ready to get there. But from this hill I can see where I came from and appreciate how far I've travelled.

And I think the most important thing about a milestone is that it reminds you that you're not quite there.

You have to keep moving forward.

This little wayside pause isn't the end of the road.