Friday, July 24, 2009

Milestones (Part the Second)

- A stone marker set up on a roadside to indicate the distance in miles from a given point.
- An important event, as in a person's career, the history of a nation, or the advancement of knowledge in a field; a turning point.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

A while back I wrote this post about moving on after my second miscarraige. At the time I was celebrating a few different things including getting through an episode of Bringing Home Baby without bawling my eyes out.

Today I am facing a different milestone. One year ago today I got my first bfp. I had woken up early and peed on a stick. I remember staring at that pretty pair of lines. I felt overwhelmed, thrilled, and just a little scared. It felt like we had been waiting so long for this (oh, how little did we know then!) and I couldn't wait to share my news with the world. I actually went online to the ttc bulliten board that I frequented and announced my good news before I told my Beloved (like I said, it was early... I wanted to let him sleep a while).

After spending about an hour hugging the knowledge of our little bean to myself, I went and snuggled in bed with my Beloved. When he was just waking up, I whispered in his ear that he was going to be a daddy. His eyes shot open in shock and I never felt happier.

That happiness lasted for a month and a half. We told our families and friends. We bought a (second hand) stroller and car seat. We made plans for the nursery and maternity leave. We revelled in our joy. And then it ended.

If that little blighted ovum hadn't been so blighted, Emily Hope would be 3 1/2 months old now. I would be on mat leave and we would have a crib in the spare room instead of a few boxes and some empty bookshelves.

So I've been thinking about milestones. A milestone is a place to pause. A place to rest, plan the rest of your journey. To regroup and prepare the next leg of your trip. To take stock of where you are coming from and where you are going. To look back down the road and acknowledge that you were somewhere different than where you are now, and to look ahead to where you are hoping to end up.

Right now, as I sit beside the road and ponder these things, I feel like I'm sitting just below the crown of a hill. I can't see what's next but I hope that my destination isn't that far away. I'm ready to get there. But from this hill I can see where I came from and appreciate how far I've travelled.

And I think the most important thing about a milestone is that it reminds you that you're not quite there.

You have to keep moving forward.

This little wayside pause isn't the end of the road.


  1. Oh MrsG. I'm so sorry you have to even know the milestone was there, but thank you for being so great and for writing such a honest and profound post. Wishing you all the best over the hill and down the road.

  2. This post sounds like I could have wrote it, seriously. Everything you described feeling when you saw the 2 pink lines was what I was feeling. Then the second time came around, and I was cautious teetering on the edge of nervousness, but I thought hey, this can't happen twice. Wrong.

    Not to mention the feeling I get when the doctor says nothing is wrong. But, obviously something went wrong somewhere!

    I wish you luck on your next journey.

  3. Thank you for reminding me to slow down and enjoy things as they come. I spend so much time planning and running and preparing for the worst, I just don't get to very often.

  4. I have a milestone coming up-our 4 year ttc anniversary, which coincides with our 4th wedding anniversary. Your post is prompting me to try to look at it a little differently than I have in the past. Thanks.


  5. What a beautiful post. Emily Hope is well loved and remembered regardless of where she lives. You heart is full of that little girl.



  6. MrsG this post on milestones was so moving. It is right to sit and wait, to consider what happened in the past and what will be ahead until the next milestones. I wish you all the very best for your future with the hope that the next milestone will be a nice one to stop-by. Thank you so much for visiting my blog. Big hugs in return, Fran


  7. This was such a beautifully written, thoughtful, sad post. I am sorry that you had to reach this milestone.

    I like when you say that a milestone means you are not quite there. Yet reaching a milestone also means that you have started your journey and are moving ahead, and that you have every intention and bit of determination to reach the goal.

    Thanks so much for the comment. And - You got it! You did good on this guessing game.

  8. This is indeed a beautiful post. I hope it gives you a bit of hope to know that others have stood where you are standing, and later found themselves in the place that was actually intended.

  9. The milestones are very painful, hang in there!

  10. Very, very well said. Milestones are a place for reflection and for looking forward at the same time. Beautiful post.

  11. so sorry about emily... but there are so many more milestones to look forward to good and bad

  12. I love it... and I agree. Until you feel like you are where you want to be, you are still traveling. I am with you, in a different stage. Mourning miscarriages is one of the most raw and painful things I've ever experienced, and I am so sorry you have to feel that pain.

    Someone once told me: "It will be okay in the end. And if it isn't okay, it is not the end."

    Big hugs.

  13. I love that you know these are stops on the way toward the future. This message is so positive, yet so reflective. Thank you for sharing.

    Here from the creme.

  14. Here from the Creme list...

    Guess I missed this when it was posted due to my Ohio summer travels.

    I like the way you started with the definition of a milestone, and then went on to describe what milestones have meant to you and your IF journey.

    Lovely post! :)

  15. Popping in from the crème de la crème list.

    This is a great post. I'm sorry your losses.


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