Week 29: Chicken or Egg Situation

Good Evening Humble Readers...

Fair warning... your friendly neighbourhood hobbit is in a pretty lousy head-space right now.  If I weren't pregnant, I would totally think I was PMS-ing (chocolate cravings and all). 

My blood sugars have been wonky, and I've been feeling like a weepy-angry-biotch-on-wheels.  The kicker is I know that my emotional state affects my blood sugar numbers in a bad way, and I know that my blood sugars (when out of whack) can wreak havoc on my emotions.  Oh yeah, and throw in stress-induced IBS flares...  Fun times! 

Seriously, I've constantly been on the verge of tears for two days.  I have got to get past this...

On to the update...

How far along? 29w0d (only 9 weeks to go!! HOLY CRAP!)

Maternity clothes? Absolutely

Body Oddities? VERY dry skin, alternating constipation and IBS flares, acne, back ache, cracking joints, super sore & slightly leaky boobs, dry/itchy eyes, leg cramps, round ligament pain, tingly fingertips, tired, gassy, Braxton Hicks, NEW THIS WEEK: increased clumsiness, tendonitis in my thumbs?

Sleep? Some nights it's been great, other's not so much.  On the days when I've had I decent night's sleep, I can actually get by without any naps.  That's a pretty great development, if you ask me.

Intense Dreams? I've still been dreaming a lot, but nothing tops that dream about my mom being pregnant.

Best moment this week? Ginny is developing a serious sense of humour, which is a tremendous blessing just now.

Worst moment? In the grand scheme of things, nothing truly earth shattering. 

Movement? Heck ya.  Although I'm really beginning to doubt that this child is ever going to turn vertical.  I get little hints that maybe it's going to happen, but then he/she is right back to trying to press my hips apart. 

Food cravings/aversions? Sweets, chocolate

Rings? Still on... huh?

Gender? Still thinking she's a she.  It's going to be really hard to stick to my guns and not ask at my ultrasound tomorrow.

Medical Concerns? Gestational Diabetes (insulin 5 times a day), High blood pressure (on 50mg of lobetalol 3x daily), continued heartburn (on 60mg of Pan.taloc daily), kidney stones (they're back!), low lying placenta, low iron.

What I miss? being able to get up from the couch without looking/feeling like a beached whale

What I look forward to?  Seeing the halfling tomorrow and getting a definitive answer about the possible placenta previa (the tech likely won't tell me, but I'll be able to call Dr. W's office on Friday and find out)

Emotional State?  Pretty much all over the place.  See above...

Baloney Sandwiches!!!

Hi Humble Readers...

Are you familiar with that card game, "Bullsh!t"?  Where you basically lie about what cards you are laying down, in hopes that no one calls you one it... it's sometimes called "Cheat", and in my church youth group (many many moons ago) it was called "Baloney Sandwiches". 

Well, today I'm calling it... on our community.  Yes, ALI sisters, I'm talking to you. 

You see, there's a big flap that's developed about the creation of the PAIL (parenting/pregnant after infertility or loss) blogroll.  Words like 'clique-ish', 'exclusionary', and 'exclusive' are being thrown around and I am starting to get frustrated and angry.   And you know what?  I'm hurt that I, and many others, are being accused of actions and intentions that were never a part of why I signed up on the PAIL list. 

PAIL was, as I understand it, set up to meet a need.  A need that some bloggers are responding to.  It's a place for those of us who are parenting after battling with infertility and loss can connect with others who are in this same boat.  Yes, there is a Parenting After IF section on the ALI blogroll, but does that mean that there can't be two?  Is there only one giant foodie blogroll out there?  (And if there is, why haven't I found it yet?)  Is there only one political blogroll?  What about wanna-be hobbits?  Is there a blogroll out there for us?  Would I have to 'resign my membership' in the ALI community if I joined one of these other blogrolls?

How many times have you read on a post-pregnancy-successful-delivery blog, "I don't know where I fit.  I'm still an IFer, but I don't feel like I can blog about my baby"?  Or, "IF will always be a part of who I am, but I'm moving on, and so I'm closing this blog"?  I read it at least once a week, and lately it seems like it's been even more often than that.  And I know I've said the same or similar.  Heck, I have even very consciously limited the number of times each month I post pics of Ginny, out of respect for those who might find it hard to see. 

The reality is, this community thrives on the struggle, on the battle.  And when one of us 'wins' our battle, yes there are cheers of victory from every corner of the blogosphere.  But two weeks later... when the new mommy needs/craves the connections that she has built over the last months and years, and her readers have dwindled to just a handful?

Who's there then?  Who's being exclusive? 

And when we (being new mommy/IF bloggers) sign up for things like ICLW, and hardly anyone visits... who's being clique-ish then? 

I am very sorry that feelings have been hurt (and I am CERTAIN that it was not done maliciously or with the intent to hurt), on both sides of this situation.  In hindsight (which is ALWAYS perfect), someone who felt this need should have stepped forward and said "Hey, we're here too, and we need something a little different.  How can we make this work?".  And honestly, I'm kicking myself for not thinking of asking sooner.  But it didn't happen that way, so now we're all playing catch up.  How can we be proactive rather than reactive?

Instead of throwing mud at each other, and saying awful things about people you don't know, why don't we work together to come up with a solution that can bring unity? 

Do you have any thoughts on this?  How can we make the ALI community more inclusive?  How can those of us parenting after IF still feel a part of this community and not feel abandoned? 

I have sat here staring at this post for close to a half hour now, wondering if I should actually hit the 'publish post' button.  I'm going to piss people off, I'm prepared for that.  I'm afraid of causing even more division.  But this is my blog, and this is what I'm thinking and feeling... so here's goes everything...

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: Weekend Recap

Howdy Humble Readers...

Well, we ended up having a relatively unproductive weekend.  Friday night ended up being a write-off for me in terms of sleep (I have been dealing with stuffy sinuses at night and it makes sleeping very challenging).  I dozed off finally some time after four in the morning, and Ginny decided that 5am would be a great time to wake up (I think she actually had a nightmare, but timing's a biotch!).  She dozed off again around 6, I got less than three hours sleep.  Ugh.  It made for a completely wasted Saturday.  I ended up having to send my Beloved to do the grocery shopping on his own and didn't take a shower until four in the afternoon. 

*****
One funny thing from Saturday... I took a nap while Ginny was napping, and I had a bizarre dream about my mom being 7 weeks pregnant right now.  Particularly crazy as she had a hysterectomy more than 20 years ago.  I told her about the dream when I called to wish her a happy birthday last night, and I don't know if it was the wine she had with dinner, but she thought it was the funniest thing she ever heard. 

*****
I seem to be a walking mess of minor injuries.  I'm nursing a bit of a goose-egg on my forehead.  On Friday, Ginny decided that she no longer wanted to sit on my lap, and threw herself backward rather unexpectedly.  I can safely say that she no longer has a soft spot on her skull.  Ouch!!!  I've burned myself in the kitchen more times in the last week than I have in the last six months.  I think I have tendonitis in my right thumb (and of course I'm right handed, so that makes all kinds of things a challenge).  And, oh yeah, I think I wrenched my back/hip a bit... I've had a stitch in my side for the last 24 hours.  I'm a mess, I tell ya!

*****
If you've been here a while, you know that I had challenges with breastfeeding Ginny.  Granted I had a lot of strikes against me (being obese, GD, a failed induction, c-section), but I still had some pretty high expectations of myself, and ended up really beating myself up about it when I finally gave up after three months.  I totally get that 'the breast is best', but for some women, it just doesn't always work the way it should.  Soooo, when I read this article the other day I almost jumped out of my skin in anger and frustration.  Apparently the La Leche League in New Zealand is so powerful, that it has forced changes to a national non-smoking ad campaign, all because it shows a dad bottle feeding his child!  I was just completely flabbergasted.  The commercial wasn't to promote a brand of baby formula or bottles.  IT WAS TO PROMOTE HEALTHY LIVING!!  And somehow the sight of a father feeding his child was so offensive and controversial that it had to be removed from the ad campaign.   (ok, rant over)

*****
Confession time... I love America's Got Talent.  Love it.  So, of course, I am now watching Canada's Got Talent (a shameless rip off, of course).  I love the good, the bad, and the truly terrible.  But, I have to ask... what is the deal with people sticking strange things up their noses in the name of entertainment?  I just don't get it!  :)

Foodie Fridays: Puff Pastry Appies

Hi Humble Readers...

Any big plans for the weekend?  Are you doing chores or are you having fun?  So far there's not much on our agenda for the weekend, but that might change if I find some motivation.  Grocery shopping and church (and our annual meeting... ugh) are a given, other than that I don't know yet. 

Last weekend we watched the Oscars.  I LOVE watching the Oscars.  And historically, I try to see as many of the nominated films as possible, particularly in the Best Picture category (this year I only got around to seeing one... bad Mrs. Gamgee!).  And every year I make a variety of appetizers as dinner, so that we can munch as we watch.  

And as much as I love watching the Oscars, I LUUURRRVE me some appetizers.  Originally, when my Beloved and I got married, I wanted our reception to be all appetizers (which my mother quickly vetoed).  When we go out to a 'real' restaurant, I always drool over the appie menu. 

My absolute favourites are chicken wings, but for this year's Oscar night I wanted something new and a little different.  So the menu for the evening included a couple of old stand-bys (nachos and veggies with hummus... both fairly straight forward) and a couple of new-ish ideas. 

First up, I did a variation on some chicken turn-overs that I've made in the past.  This recipe calls for puff pastry, and as I have stated before... pastry makes me nervous.  So nervous, in fact, that I have never attempted to make it myself, I just buy the frozen stuff.  And you know what?  I think that's just fine... it works great and tastes good too. 

Creamy Pesto Chicken Puffs

2 chicken breasts, poached and shredded
2 oz cream cheese (about 1/4 of a brick), softened
1 generous tbsp of basil pesto
1 sheet puff pastry, thawed
flour
1 egg, beaten

Roll out puff pastry on a lightly floured surface until it's about one foot square.  Using a sharp knife, cut puff pastry into 16 equal squares.  Combine shredded chicken, cream cheese, and pesto in a bowl, and divide between the squares of pastry.  Carefully fold pastry over filling, corner to corner to create triangles.  You may need to use a touch of water to help the pastry seal together.  Lay out on a parchment lined baking sheet, brush lightly with beaten egg, and bake for 20-22 minutes in a preheated 350F oven until golden brown.

Baked Crab Rangoon Puffs  (adapted from Big Red Kitchen)

1 sheet puff pastry, thawed
flour
4 oz cream cheese (about half a brick), softened
1/3 cup mayo
1 clove garlic, minced
2 green onions, finely chopped
1 can crab meat (about 6 oz, I think)
1 egg, beaten
Sweet Chili Sauce

Roll out puff pastry on a lightly floured surface, to about one foot square.  Using a sharp knife, cut pastry into 20 equally sized squares.  Combine cream cheese, mayo, garlic, and green onion, and blend until smooth.  Gently fold in crab meat.  Transfer mixture to a piping bag (I used a zip-top bag, and cut a corner off), and draw a line of the filling down the center of each pastry square.  Carefully fold pastry over filling as you would fold a burrito (fold in sides, then roll bottom to top.  They were about the size of my pinky finger before baking), and lay out seam side down on a parchment lined baking sheet.  Lightly brush with egg, and bake in a preheated 350F oven for 20-22 minutes, until golden.  Serve with sweet chili sauce for dipping. 

I hope you give these a try the next time you need some yummy appies.  They are a little bit fiddly to make because they are so small, but the finished product is worth it!  (And if you do happen to have any left over, they reheat really nicely in the microwave the next day)

100 Ways To Encourage A New Mom

Hey Humble Readers...

I confess that I spend waaaaaay too much time on Pinterest. 

It's an addiction.

But sometimes it's an addiction pays off. 

I just came across this post from GypsyMama about how to encourage a new mom, and I have to say I was practically in tears as I read it. 

1. Fold her laundry – especially all the socks
2. Leave immediately when the baby falls asleep so she can nap
3. Bring chocolate
4. Don’t tell her to call if she needs anything, just drop by and help with everything
5. Take the big kids out for a play date
6. Tell her she’s a hero
7. Bring her food in disposable dishes so she doesn’t have to deal with washing or returning them
8. Don’t tell her to carpe diem (and don't tell an IFer that 'this is what she wanted for so long')
9. Cry with her
10. Laugh with her
11. Share details of what you love about her baby
12. Watch "Up All Night" with her
13. Don’t tidy your house before she comes over to visit – it doesn’t help her to think you have it all together
14. Tell her a day will come when she will sleep again
15. Make her a 2am nursing station on Pandora
16. Email her a bunch of fun deals links she can surf while nursing
17. Make sure she’s actually in 1 out of every 1,000 photos she’s taking (I wish I had someone who did this for me last year)
18. Take candid pictures of her in the new daily routine
19. Bring diapers when you visit
20. Offer to drive her on errands and stay in the car with the baby
21. Be honest about how hard motherhood can be
22. Text her encouraging messages throughout the day
23. Come over and hold the baby so she can have her arms back for a while to do chores or cook or catch up on anything that’s driving her crazy
24. Tell her to keep her phone on vibrate so you can call without being “that person who woke the baby.”
25. Don’t let her become isolated in the baby cocoon – invite her and the baby out so she can reconnect with friends
26. Never expect her to show up anywhere on time
27. Bring her lip gloss (or chapstick!!!)
28. Massage her neck and shoulders
29. Run her a hot bath
30. Don’t imply that breast feeding should be a breezy walk in the park; let her know it’s normal to struggle sometimes getting the hang of it
31. If she chooses to go the bottle route, please let her do so guilt free
32. She is just discovering the hard world of mother guilt – please don’t do or say anything to add to that burden
33. Don’t share any horror stories related to motherhood
34. Protect her from turning on the news in her first few weeks of being home
35. Vacuum
36. Bring fresh flowers
37. Take out any dried up bouquets
38. Paint her toe nails
39. Tell her she’s beautiful
40. Don’t tell her by now your kids were all sleeping through the night
41. Especially if by “sleeping through the night” you mean from 1am to 5am.
42. Remember that your memories of new motherhood have the romantic haze of distance
43. Wash her dishes without being asked
44. If you come over for a meal, please bring the meal and then clean it all up afterwards
45. Let her know it’s normal to stand hunched over a sleeping baby just listening to them breathe
46. Anytime she is disappointed by her new figure remind her that she grew a human being – that’s a miracle and turns out miracles need room to grow
47. Don’t bring over any magazines that feature celebrities in swimsuits 6 weeks after giving birth
48. Ask her what the one chore is around the house she wishes she could get to and do it for her
49. Always bring your camera when you visit
50. Print and frame one of the zillion photos she emails of the baby; include baby’s name and birth date {it blew me away when my friends did this for me!}
51. Bring toys/games over for the older kids when you visit
52. Tell her it’s OK to feel like you want to quit motherhood some days
53. But tell her that Trace Adkins is right and she’s gonna miss this one day
54. Don’t just make a hand print of the baby – make one of mom and/or dad’s too for a fun comparison keepsake
55. Bring her a Memory Keeper Box for that hospital bracelet, first lock, or even those first few pairs of shoes or favorite toys
56. If she has to go back to work, assure her God will be watching over that precious baby. She is brave if she gets up while it is still dark to provide for her family
57. Tell her pizza covers all the food groups
58. Hold the baby so she can get a shower
59. Bring over the Pride and Prejudice (BBC Series) boxed set for all those dinner {for the baby} and a movie {for her} months
60. Ask her which baby items she still needs – get her those instead of the cute clothes you have your eye on
61. Assure her you understand that while she might know that she’s walking on holy ground, that doesn’t mean she won’t still feel irritated how often that ground is strewn with cracker crumbs and yesterday’s socks (This is especially true for IFers!)
62. Admit motherhood is one of the hardest things you’ve ever done
63. Go ahead and quote that goodie-but-oldie, “It’s not brave if you’re not scared.” {Thank you Ben Affleck}
64. Warn her everyone will have an opinion on how she mothers but at the end of the day, hers is the only one that matters
65. Assure her motherhood is not graded; some days just surviving is victory enough
66. Tell her that drive-throughs are the best friends of mothers-with-sleeping-babies everywhere
67. Keep a pack of Thank You Cards handy in case she freaks out late one night that she hasn’t thanked anyone for all the meals
68. Never expect a thank you card from a sleep deprived new mom
69. Tell her there is no such thing as “doing it all.” And especially no such thing as “doing it all perfectly.”
70. Reassure her that sometimes the love and happiness in a home is directly proportional to the mess.
71. Send a special prayer, encouragement or blessing addressed to the baby via snail mail
72. Turn the music up and dance with her and the baby
73. Suggest that the greatest Pandora station for soothing baby music that mama can also love has to be “Winter Song” by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles
74. Take her (and the baby) for a walk
75. Stock her fridge with necessities anytime you come over – like milk, bread, eggs, yogurt, ice cream etc – in case she isn’t up for grocery shopping
76. Watch the baby for her while she goes grocery shopping
77. Suggest she spend 15 extra minutes just reading in the magazine aisle
78. Tell her it’s normal to be be smitten with newborn love one minute and weeping with tired the next
79. Encourage her that a content household is rarely ever a perfect one
80. Remember to always be kind to the mom on your flight
81. Bring a goodie bag over for the new mom and not just the baby when you come to visit
82. If you’re too far to bring over a meal, tell her dinner from her favorite delivery place is on you
83. Tell her there’s no shame in cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner
84. Make up midnight snacks for her to grab when she’s up feeding the baby
85. Tell her not every photo needs to be perfect – sometimes the closer to real life, the better
86. Give her the The Girlfriends’ Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood for when she needs to laugh
87. Give her Devotions for Sacred Parenting: A Year of Weekly Devotions for Parents for when she needs to be inspired
88. Tell her matching socks are highly overrated
89. Wash the baby bottles for her
90. Tell her not to sweat store bought baby food, disposable diapers or pacifiers - whatever works, works
91. Reassure her that perfect is merely a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land
92. Tell her motherhood should come with a super hero cape, a really cute one with sparkles
93. Buy her sparkly nail polish
94. Tell her not to sweat everything Pinterest tells her she should be doing, baking, making and crafting for the baby
95. Encourage her to embrace PJ days – even if they last for weeks
96. Encourage her also to go spend two glorious hours at the hair dresser while you watch the baby
97. Tell her about all the women who did all these things for you
98. Assure her that just passing along the encouragement one day is thank you enough
99. Remind her it’s the ordinary days that make the extraordinary memories
100. Promise her it will just keep getting better

I so wish I would have seen this list ages and ages ago.  While I had a few people in my life who did some of these things for me, but just reading this list was like cool water for my soul. 

I hope I will always remember these things.  For myself, and to pass on to others.