Join Me In A Happy Dance!

Hey Humble Readers!

I am such a happy happy hobbit today!

We have been living in the hobbit hole for almost five years.  That is almost longer than anywhere else I've lived in my lifetime.  When we bought this place it was a huge step up from our dumpy one bedroom apartment with carpet in the kitchen (for which they were charging us more than $900 a month), but we didn't have any savings.  So the only mortgage we qualified for was a 40 year, zero down mortgage (an option the government has now vetoed). 

That's right, a 40 year mortgage for a two bedroom condo.  Yikes!  But we wanted to start building equity and the payments were less than what we were paying for rent, so we went for it. 

Fast forward almost five years and our mortgage was up for early renewal.  I knew that the call would be coming from the bank, and given what our financial picture has looked like for the last couple of years, I was fairly concerned about what kind of interest rate we could get.  

I fully and honestly confess that I know very little about how mortgages work, other than you borrow a lot of money from a bank and they charge you a lot of interest, and then you pay them back for years and years and years.  I have had images of us being in our late 70s and early 80s still living in this condo. 

So the call came from the bank just before we left for K-town.  The mortgage was up for early renewal, and there were some good rates available, but they were only available until the end of February.  I scheduled an appointment for today, and my Beloved and I made our way down the hill to see our mortgage specialist.

I was worried.  I was actually really worried. 

It turns out that I had absolutely nothing to worry about.  At all.

Apparently, we made a great choice five years ago when we chose to pay our mortgage weekly.  That has given us a huge leg up.  Simply by paying more often we were already down below 30 years on our mortgage.  I was happy to learn that. 

And then the mortgage lady told us that she could cut our interest in half.  While that sounded good to me, I didn't grasp the big picture.  Until she showed us our payment schedule on her computer screen.

We have gone from a 5.39% interest rate to a 2.69% interest rate.  And by keeping our payments at the same amount each week we have knocked a whole lot of time off our mortgage.  As of today, it would only take us 17 years to pay off our mortgage. 

17 years!!!  Do you know what that means?

It means we are no longer upside down in our mortgage!  We are paying more toward the principle than to interest.  We are moving forward, not backward.  We are gaining ground. 

We are locked in for two years, which fits our current plan almost perfectly.  We are going to live as cheaply as we possibly can for the next year and a half or so, and pay down as much of our debt as possible.  With the added income from my Beloved's new job, we will hopefully knock out two thirds or more of it, if we can. 

And then, in two years, WE BUY A BIGGER HOBBIT HOLE!  Something with 3+ bedrooms, 2+ baths, a finished basement and close to a park.  Preferably a townhouse or a duplex (my dream house is currently available in our price range... hopefully something similar will be available two years from now). 

I have a perma-grin on my face.  Who will dance with me? 

(As an added bonus, when I stepped on the scale this morning I was thrilled to learn that I am now 26.5lb down!  Only 8.5lb to go for my first target!)

Small Things Make Me Happy!

Hey Humble Readers...

How are things in your world?  Things here are a bit better than yesterday, I'm happy to report.  Several small things have combined to make today a pretty good day.

• The stye appears to have gotten significantly better (my eyelid is still swollen and a bit sore, but the lump is gone.  The washcloth trick totally works!) and I was relatively kidney-pain free for most of the day.  Yay!
• Another thing that made today a good day was that I made a big pot of soup... White Bean & Italian Sausage soup.  Sooooo yummy!
• I'm now less than a week away from my NT scan (going for my blood work tomorrow so that they can have the results on the day of the scan).  I confess that I'm nervous about it, but I'm trying hard not to focus on it.  Just knowing that we will get to see this little Halfling 2.0 again certainly helps.
• Ginny slept for almost two hours this morning, and I was able to take the most glorious nap.
• Ginny walked across the living room today on her own... about 8 or 9 steps!
• We were able to get the car in to get the winter tires put on.  Yay!  No more stress about that.

So, tell me, what little things happened in your world today to make you happy?

I Knew It Would Happen Eventually

Good Evening Humble Readers...

So, something kind of interesting happened today while I was at work. 

I need to preface this by reminding you all that I am a VERY plus sized woman.  My weight has always been an issue for me (from the age of 11), and it's really only in the last few years that I have come to accept myself for who and what I am. 

I am short.  I am round.  It's my reality. 

Often in my past, I have been in the oh so awkward positition of having to say, "No, actually I'm not pregnant.  Just fat."

Children, who speak with an honesty that is incredibly refreshing, are often the instigators in these situations, leaving their parents to make the embarassed/apologetic face in my direction. 

Today, while I was at work, a little girl pointed to me and said, "Look Mommy, she's got a baby in her tummy."

The mom immediately shushed her, and got that look on her face.  That 'oh-my-gawd-my-child-has-no-tact-feeling-bad-for-the-fat-lady' look. 

But today, instead of being embarassed and trying to pretend I didn't hear the comment, I just smiled at the little girl and put my hand on my tummy. 

I know I'm not showing all that much, not really.  Anyone who doesn't know I'm pregnant would just assume that I have gained some weight.

But I'm still tucking this moment away in my heart.  The first time someone, albeit a child, said that I looked pregnant.

It feels good.

They Say You Can Never Go Back

Good Morning Humble Readers...

I have had these thoughts percolating for a while, and I think it's time to get them down on 'paper'. I will preface this by saying that, if you are going through a tough time right now, you might want to skip this post. I won't mind...

I recently went back to some of the message boards I used to frequent. There are women there who I miss. They are women who started on this journey around the same time as me, and we shared our excitement about becoming mommies, celebrated each other's successes and mourned each other's losses. They supported me through our miscarriages, encouraged me when we were waiting for tests and for the go ahead to try again. These women are incredible, strong, veterans of the road we travel. Many of them are dealing with RPL like me, and some have had heartbreaking numbers of losses.

I had stopped posting on the message boards back in the spring, when it became apparent that we were going to have to take an extended break. I felt that I didn't want to be a downer, whining about having to wait to try again... so I excused myself. (Of course that didn't stop me from whining here... my apologies, Humble Readers). I also knew that reading about them moving ahead would be difficult.

I went back recently, genuinely hoping that most, if not all, of the ladies there would have been able to move on... yes, I know it was an unlikely thing, but I hoped it for them anyway.

I started reading some of the recent posts and was saddened to see so many names I recognized. I was saddened further to read how down they all were.

We all have our bad days. A bfn, a failed cycle, discovery of a cyst, the flu at exactly the wrong time... all of these things can bring us low. I am not making light of those emotions. We all need to process them, grieve our losses big and small, and we often need the support of those who truly understand our situation to help us get through.

But when does commiserating become something more? When does it become a vicious cycle that has no end? When do we stop trying to one up each other with how sad we are?

How do we pull ourselves up out of our darkness? How do we help each other when things seem to be spiralling into the abyss?

I have long believed that the only thing we have control over in this world is our response to it. Barring a chemical imbalance, we get to choose how we respond to the things that happen in our lives. That doesn't mean we don't get sad, but we do get to choose whether to let that sadness overwhelm us or to start moving forward.

I'm in a good, hopeful and, dare I say, content place right now. I want to celebrate that. And at the same time I want to support these ladies... but I don't want to blow sunshine and rainbows.

Maybe after this cycle comes back as a bfn, I won't be so happy, maybe then I will feel like I fit in again with them. But I don't want to let that change my happiness in this moment. We all live in two week incriments... shouldn't we take the joy where we can?

Is it wrong that I choose to be happy?