Thursday, January 7, 2010

My Memory Sucks

Good Morning Humble Readers!

*beware, convoluted tale ahead*

I have yet to put up my new calendar for 2010. I bought it back at the end of November. I could have waited until this week to buy it, and then I would have gotten it at 75% off, but I saw it and fell in love with it, so I didn't want to risk it not being there later.

And it is a lovely calendar... New York (of course).

Why have I not put up my beautiful calendar? Because I haven't transferred over all the important date info yet... Birthdays, anniversaries, all that sort of thing. And why have I been procrastinating on this? Because when we moved a year and a half ago, we lost our 2008 caledar, and it was the last calendar I had on which I had accurate birthday and anniversary listings. Last year there were several birthdays that I just had to guess at.

There are some birthdays I have engrained on my brain... my bio-sister's is the day before mine (kind of hard to forget) ... I forgot my Mom's birthday once when I was in college and she made a big deal about it so it's burned in there too. But Dad's birthday? I know it's in June, always around Father's Day, but I couldn't tell you the exact date to save my life. In order to engrain my Beloved's birthday on my brain, I started using it as a password at work. Mom & Dad's anniversary is in March, but do I have the date mixed up with my sister's April birthday?

And how do you call your Mom, and ask for your Dad's birthdate? Their anniversary?

And yet, you know what I do remember? I remember that a year ago yesterday I was at the doctor, getting an ultrasound. An ultrasound that showed an empty sac, and began the two weeks of hell. I also remember that two years ago tomorrow I took my last birth control pill and that the baby making began. I can tell you the dates of my bfp's, my edd's, and the dates that my miscarraiges happened.

Why isn't it possible to forget? Do I really want to? Am I hanging onto my grief on purpose? Please don't get me wrong, the grief certainly isn't as sharp as it was a year ago, but it's still there. Is it really that I can't forget these dates? Or just that I don't want to? Or maybe that I won't let myself?

Why can't my crappy memory kick in and allow me to pass these dates blissfully unaware, like I did my MIL's birthday last year?


  1. *hugs* I know what you mean, and it's hard.

    A calendar idea for you... if you're the digital photo crafty type, Snapfish (and I'm sure a bazillion other sites) let's you make calendars using your pictures (of New York, even) that you can preload your dates into. Then next year, it's all saved and you just pop them in. This is what I make for family every year for Christmas.

  2. This made me chuckle, not because it's funny "hahaha" but as in "no sh!t, right?" funny.
    As I've gotten older it seems I can easily displace the joyous moments for the ones I'd like to just move past. Maybe in time, when things heal, the moments I want to remember will push the others aside. ((hugs))

  3. Oh, do I know this.

    It has gotten better but a part of this lingers. Perhaps this year is the year to engrain happier moments over the sadder ones. They'll always be there but new ones help.

    As always, I am hoping you get your miracle very very soon!

    (Oh, and returning the snowball- you're it!)

  4. I used birthday alarm (dot) com and it sent out a message to everyone asking them to record their dob and anniv for me. Never heard a complaint... people complied and then I got requests too. Easy way out I think. Sorry you have all the bad dates stuck in your head... I have some dates I wish I could forget too and it's been over 10 years *sigh*

  5. I would ask a different family member for a different persons birthday etc. I have a domo-kun calendar for 2010 :)

  6. I wish I "knew" you this time last year. I hadn't realized before that our '09 losses were so close to one another.

    I'm generally pretty good at remembering dates, but I definitely relate to NOT wanting to remember certain dates. Sighs.

    Hugs, dear Hobbit!

  7. I used to have a Palm Pilot and had all my important dates in there. I no longer have the device, but the software is still on my computer and I used that for a calendar. Last year, something happened so that for *some* of the dates, they were moved up one day, but not all of them. I could tell b/c some of the dates I knew for sure were off and some were right. So now the dates I'm not sure of, I can't trust my calendar!


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