Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Future of the Gamgee Clan (PAIL Monthly Theme Post)

Hey Humble Readers...

When I first saw the theme for this month for the PAIL bloggers... "so when are you going to have another baby", I honestly thought I didn't have much to say on the subject. 

My Beloved and I have always, from before we were even engaged, agreed that two children was going to be it for us.  Of course, if we had been blessed with twins the second time around, after the initial freak out was over, we would have been thrilled.  But as far as it was within our control, we wanted two. 

And now we have our two precious wee-lings. 

And I had a tubal ligation. 

And my Beloved is going to get 'snipped' later this summer. 

And then I realized that I do have something to say on the topic. 

Some of our friends and family think it overkill for both my Beloved and I to take steps toward permanent contraception.  And some in the ALI/PAIL/IF/RPL worlds might wonder why we are taking such drastic measures when we tried so hard for so long to get our take-home babies. 

And that's exactly the point. 

We tried hard.  We went through our own personal hell to get to this point.  After two losses, and two not-so-easy pregnancies, we are ready to be done with the family building portion of our lives.  (This doesn't mean that I feel I have outgrown the ALI/PAIL community.  But that's a different post, for a different day.) 

Add in the fact that my Beloved is soon to be 41 and I'm soon to be 38.  We aren't what you would call spring chickens.  With the added challenge of my high blood pressure, the surety of gestational diabetes being even worse a third time around, the increased anxiety that would be sure to haunt me again, and the horrible c-section experience I had with Pip... let's just say that I'm not ready to walk down that road again.

I confess there are selfish reasons too. I enjoy not feeling the need to restrict myself from things like taking ibuprophen when my back hurts, a glass of wine after dinner, or colouring my hair.  I like the idea of not having to take my temperature every day, of not having to be a toilet paper inspector, of not having that constant debate to pee on a stick or not, and not always living in the calendar 40 weeks from now.  I won't miss worrying about the length of my luteal phase, and analyzing every little twinge in my body.  And I refuse to be taking hormonal birth control for the next twenty years. 

Will I ever be able to note my period's arrival without a twinge of sadness?  I hope so.  I hope that someday it will be just the normal inconvenience it is for millions of women.  I hope that cramps become something to bitch about and not something to worry about. 

There's also a family history that we had to take into account.  There were 'surprises' in both our families many years ago.  The fact that my Beloved even exists is due to the fact that his father's vasectomy reversed itself.  And my bio-mom had two miscarraiges after her tubes were supposedly tied.  Even though both situations were likely the result of shoddy medical procedures, I don't think I could face another miscarraige and while an oops-baby would be just as loved and cherished, I know that it wouldn't be good for my physical or mental health to be pregnant again. 

That's why we chose to go with two such permanent solutions to birth control.

So, when some of the little old ladies at church ask when we're going to have our next one, or when my Grandpa jokes about 'number three', I tell them that we've stopped at two.  And there is almost ALWAYS that little grin that says 'ahh, but accidents happen'.  Yes, accidents do happen.  But my Beloved and I have done everything we can to ensure that it won't happen to us. 

My biological clock has officially been stopped. 

And I'm totally okay with that. 


  1. I think it's amazing you and your beloved have achieved what you set out to achieve. You made the right decision for you and your family. That should be commended. People are people and they're going to talk and whisper and say things...but you did what was right for your family, who cares what other people think :)

    So yes, you had something to say on the topic...something very important...it's ok to stop when it's right for your family. Good for you!! And thank you for sharing a different perspective on the topic....

  2. Dude, after all you've been through, you deserve a break. I think you make a really good point here. <3

  3. I swear I commented on this already! I swear I did!!! LOL. I hate when people give you "knowing looks" and unsolicited advice and try to tell your future. Like shut the hell up people! Only you know what's best for your family and I'm SO glad you got your two little halflings!!! Though I do hope that Pip grows to be an Ent. :)

  4. It's great that you know what you want (or rather, don't want). Im 80% sure that I don't want another kid but the 20% that kind of does is driving me crazy!

  5. It's got to be such a relief to move on physically from the trying part of family building. Now you get to just enjoy the family you've worked so hard to build and not think of all the what-ifs. It's awesome.

    (here from pail)

  6. Totally how I feel about this situation. My husband and I are both 42, we are happy with our two. It is a relief to just BE the parent to your children.

  7. I think there is something so wonderful about being content with what you have. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! It is the wide thing to do, to take the steps you have taken for both you, your family and unborn future babies health and well being to discern what your limit is.

  8. Tell them to mind their own da***d business, Mrs G! It's what I've been doing for the last two years since we decided not to have any at all. Enjoy Ginny & Pippin--they're adorable!


Hobbits are social creatures, and love hearing from friends old and new. Pull up a comfy chair and let's get to know one another.