Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Wanna-be Writer's Angst

Hey Humble Readers...

I think I've mentioned this here before, but one of the things I really want to do in my lifetime is to write.  Not only pedantic blog posts about my lack of motivation and relatively boring life, but stories... fiction... novels. 

I have dozens of stories to tell.  They're rattling around in my head.  Kids stories, chick lit, romance, fantasy, period pieces... they're all there, bumping into each other and distracting me when I have too much other stuff to do.  I have snippets of conversations between characters floating through my brain.  But very few of the stories have ever actually made it out onto paper or a screen.

I am the queen of excuses... 

My computer is too slow. 

I don't have the right program. 

I want to write longhand and I need a new notebook. 

I can't write with anything but a fountain pen and I'm out of ink. 

I have laundry to do. 

The house is a mess and I can't possibly waste time writing when I should be dusting or vacuuming or cleaning the toilet. 

And of course, now with a wee girl whose needs supersede everything, I have even more excuses and less time.  **sigh**

And the kicker is, I used to be pretty good at it.  I took a couple of creative writing classes in college and I did well in them, and got lots of good responses to what I wrote from my peers and from my prof. 

So why am I going on and on about this, rather than using this time to do some actual writing?  Because of this...

My Beloved gave me this beautiful notebook/journal for Christmas.  Actually, he said it was from Ginevra.  It's leather bound, hand tooled and stitched, with handmade 100% recycled cotton (tree-free) paper... crafted in India.  I saw it at the craft show last fall and fell in love.  And he was listening and remembered! 

I am absolutely terrified of the blank pages.  I mean, these pages are meant for something that will be kept for posterity.  I cannot bring myself to write in it.  I've never been one to keep a journal, at least not for very long at any one time.  (I don't look at my blog as a journal, but more like one side of a conversation.)  I'm scared that I'll start writing in this beautiful book and, following my usual pattern, crap out a quarter of the way into whatever I start. 

Then I will have ruined this work of art. 

Oh, the humanity...


  1. If you are the Queen of excuses than I am in the wings, ready to de-throne you :) I have the same problem with making art. I don't make art because if it ends up being a piece of crap then I've wasted not only the material that it took to make it ($$) but my precious time as well. Plus I'd feel like a total failure if I made something that didn't turn out the way I envisioned. I've always admired my fellow artists who can create tons of work without caring that it may not be something great.

    MY DH has a saying on his Xbox avatar that says, "Success in Failure". Even if we fail making our stories or our art at least we tried, right? And that failure could lead to knew ideas and that would have made the "failure" worth it.

    AH, if only taking our own advice was so easy! I wish you the best of luck, my friend!

  2. Open up to that first blank page and just start writing! :)

  3. Why don't you use it for letters to Ginny? Maybe some stories for her too. That gives you years to fill it up.

  4. You remind me so much of me! I am the same. I want to write someday. And I am the same with beautiful journals. I have several and I never use them for the exact same reasons. So I wish I had advice to offer you, but instead I'm hoping to learn from you on this one. That journal IS really beautiful, though! What a thoughtful guy you have.

  5. P.S. I really like Kristin's idea of using it for letters to Ginny. I'm tempted to do something similar now!


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