Saturday, January 23, 2010

A Snag In the Spring Cleaning

Good afternoon Humble Readers!

Quick Cycle Update: I'm 8dpo, with phantom symptoms galore. Sore b00bs (totally usual), increased appetite (altho, I have been cutting back lately so my body just may be still adjusting), mild nausea (only once or twice), peeing more often (but not frequent), and some weird allergy stuff going on (who knows where that's coming from).

So, if you click back to my To Dos for 2010, you may remember me saying something about wanting to 'take better care of the hobbit-hole'. Well, I have finally come up with what seems to be a workable housekeeping schedule. I'm not ready to cross it off the list yet, but I think we are moving in the right direction.

I have mapped out what we will do Monday-Thursday, focussing on one room a day. Laundry is on Sundays. I have created a list of everything that has to be done in every room, so that My Beloved and I are on the same page in terms of what's clean.

At the same time I've also put together our list of things to accomplish for spring cleaning. It's a pretty long list, considering that we didn't do much of any spring cleaning last year. Tops on the list was going through our closet and dressers. I knew we both had a ton of clothes that we no longer wear and I was sick of not having any room in my drawers.

We went through the closet this afternoon and filled three large black garbage bags. We also went through four boxes that have been in the bottom of the closet since we moved in (two of which I packed before we got married... yikes).

Then we got to our dressers. The dresser situation has been a bone of contention for some time. We don't have a bedroom set. We have two, his and mine. His is a four drawer $40 special. Mine is a three drawer wooden piece that my Beloved used as a child. Neither one is giving us a lot of room, but I have exponentially more clothes than my Beloved.

My drawers were jammed full. Jammed. Impossible to close properly.

Two of my Beloved's drawers were about 3/4 full. The other two WERE full... full of crap!

(you may be wondering why I didn't know this before, but he does the laundry so I rarely have need to go into his dresser)

Here I've been cramming my stuff into three little drawers, and he hasn't even been using the four he had for clothes! Argh!

We agreed to switch dressers, and set about emptying them. I was halfway through my sock drawer when I came across something I had honestly forgotten about. Actually a lot of somethings... 12 to be exact.

Twelve pregnancy tests. The positive results were still clear on the majority of them. Half of them have dates written on them (the dated ones are from July 08 and the undated ones are from December 08).

I recognize that keeping sticks that I PEED ON (for heaven's sake!!!) is pretty twisted. I get it. But, when I went to throw them away, I just couldn't. I mean I really really couldn't. I started bawling.

They are the only proof I have that my little girls existed. That they were real.

Please tell me I'm not totally insane for keeping them.

I'll get rid of them some day. I know I will. Just not yet.

(Hopefully, the rest of the spring cleaning will be less emotionally charged.)


  1. You are not insane for keeping them! I believe that we're mamas from the moment we conceive and each of those babies deserves to be cherished and remembered, regardless of how long we had them, especially when we were the only one who "knew" them, safe inside us. I don't think keeping those tests is any crazier than keeping a baby book or first outfit. We love them from the beginning because they are our babies - it doesn't matter how long we have them.

  2. You are NOT insane. Your love for your sweet babies will never waiver, and since the tests are an emotional connection from you to them, it is only natural to keep them!

    And YAY for deep cleaning and getting rid of items/clothing you no longer use.

    Hugs, dear Friend!

  3. You are not insane at all. I could not get rid of them either.

    Waving an ICLW hello - but always follow your blog and enjoy reading your posts.

  4. I totally understand why you are keeping the sticks. You are not insane at all. It is so very difficult and painful to lose babies so early and unfortunately there are often not enough mementos or reminders of our precious lost babies. I have kept the one ultrasound picture that I have of my baby boy.

    Your cleaning/organizing plan sounds very impressive!


  5. I agree w/you not being insane. I still have our "Christmas BFP" and I go back and look at it about 1x a week..thinking maybe it will change back to negative..but it's still as positive as the day I got it. It's the only reminder I have of that baby, and even though it causes my heart to hurt, I just can't get rid of it. So I said all that to say, you're not insane, it's completely normal and okay.

    And we did some spring cleaning today too!! Yay for getting stuff organized!!

  6. Not crazy at all! I kept my first positive OPK stick for a while too...just to remind me that it does happen.

    Good for you for cleaning. That's what we were doing today!

  7. Oh hon- I know how that is. I came across mine too recently. (HUGS)

    Doesn't spring cleaning feel good?

  8. Well not insane at all!!! I plan to preserve the historic pee-stick as well!

    Hey, doesn't the house look 'lighter' and better after a thorough cleaning? Go Mrs. Gamgee!

  9. Wow, impressed with your progress with spring cleaning. WHEN I get my first BFP, I am keeping it!

  10. I hope that your phantom symptoms are real symptoms. And you are NOT crazy for keeping your BFP tests!

    Happy ICLW!

  11. You are not insane at all. I can understand the motivation for keeping them and being attached to them.

  12. Give your heart all the time that it needs to heal. you may come to a place in your life where you are ready to get rid of them, but you may not, and there is nothing wrong with that! i tossed mine from july 08 in Jan 10 because my sticky bfp gave me the strength, it doesn't mean I miss and love my little angel any less, I just was ready to remember in a different way.

    Love to see you cleaning schedule - i'm always curious about what people set up!!

  13. Oh sweetie, that must have been a shock. It's OK to keep them as long as you want. If you wanted to ditch the pee stick, maybe you could get a bracelet or necklace to wear instead.

  14. You are in no way insane. I have positive pee sticks as well, because they are all I have. My hubby thinks its weird but whatever.

    I think I might steal your housecleaning schedule. I need all the help I can get in that regard!

  15. ICLW - You are not insane at all. I was only pregnant once (it will be the only time ever since I'm now out fallopian tubes and an IVF failure), took pictures of the positive tests, kept them, and even took some belly shots at 6 weeks. At 8 weeks when I was sent home with a misdiagnosed miscarriage (really an ectopic) I threw the tests away. Then after the ectopic fiasco I deleted the pictures. You don't know how many times in the past year and half I have regretted that. Don't ever think you are insane for keeping those. Trust me I wish I would have done the same.

  16. I don't think you are insane for keeping them. They are very much a part of you, and I am sure that in some way you feel like throwing them away would be akin to letting go of your babies. I say hang onto them for as long as you need.

  17. You aren't insane sweetie. I still have the pee sticks from the pregnancies I lost. Hell, I still have them from the pregnancies I was lucky enough to carry to term. Did you know I can still see the line on the pregnancy test that became my oldest son almost 13 yrs later?

  18. It makes complete sense to save those sticks! Knowing the joy and excitement, as well as fear and anxiety, you felt when you saw the second lines, they are so much more than pee sticks!


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