Such A Relief

Humble Readers, I am a very blessed hobbit! 

Halfling 2.0 is very much a reality!  The heartrate (at 7w1d) was 141 bpm, and is measuring right on track.  I feel like I'm able to breathe again. 

I was so anxious this morning, I almost burst into tears while we were driving to the medical imaging center, and then again when the tech called me back to the room. 

The clinic is a pretty large, and it's like a maze of little exam rooms, curtained changing rooms, and bathrooms.  Normally I end up having to wander around for quite a while before I get shown to a waiting room.  This time, the tech took me into the very first room off the main waiting room (and I didn't have to wait more than 3 minutes before he called my name to take me back). 

Everything about the scan went in hyperspeed.  Seriously, it was the fastest ultrasound I've ever had.  He was taking his pictures, and telling me to hold my breath, turn this way and that way for a look at my kidneys.  Before I knew it, he as asking for my Beloved's name and getting up to go get him.  Being a little flabbergasted, I asked "So there IS a baby?"  The tech was rather surprised at the question, but he said "Oh yes, why?  Have you been bleeding?"  I told him no, but with my history this is a very important and scary ultrasound.  He just shrugged and said 'Oh". 

As soon as he left the room I started to cry.  It was just such a relief. 

My Beloved came in with Ginny, and we got a quick look at the little blob with the flickering little heartbeat.  He printed off a pic for us...

Such a pretty little blob!

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers.  I felt you all with me today.

Up From The Depths

Howdy Humble Readers...

I'm finally beginning to feel like a real person again (as opposed to a snot-filled slug).  I'm still tired, but overall feeling much better. 

So, this week is the busy busy week.  Or at least the jam-packed with appointments week. 

Yesterday was the diabetic clinic, to go over my insulin program.  They have me starting really low, but increasing by a unit every day until we get things balanced.  The nurse was great, and reminded me that in the second trimester, when I'm off the prometrium, my insulin needs may drop a bit before they start to go back up going into the third tri.  So, two different kinds of insulin (one for meals, and one that's long-acting to help with my baseline sugars). 

Today was Ginny's well-baby check up.  It was technically her 9 month check up, but it had been rescheduled a couple of times.  She's doing good (will give you a complete update in a day or two as I need to do 'Ginny @ 10 Months) and other than being made to wait for more than an hour for a 7 minute appointment, things went well. 

Tomorrow... the ultrasound. 10:45.  To say I'm nervous would be a bit of an understatement.  I want to be able to say that I am 100% confident that all will be well, but really it's more like about 60% to 40%.  After much internal debate, I have decided that Ginny will be coming with us.  I figure, if things go south, then I'll have my wee sweet girl to cuddle.  And if things go well, I want her there even if she has no clue what's happening.  I'll post about that as soon as I can afterward. 

Thursday... Must Clean The House!  It's not terribly messy, but for some reason I thought black furniture would be great, never considering how much dust shows on it.  Duh!

Friday... I have another Dr. B appointment.  Follow up on the u/s and to discuss what happens next.  I am really going to push for a decision on an OB referral.  He's been holding off every time I ask (altho he seems to be open to it), but I want to get the NT scan booked asap, and that request needs to come from an OB. 

Then comes the very busy weekend... this weekend is Thanksgiving here north of the 49th parallel.  We are having turkey dinner at my MIL's on Saturday, and then I'm having 11 people for dinner on Sunday.  Considering our kitchen table seats 4, ths could be a challenge.  I'm doing roast beef (a huge costco sized roast), oven roasted autumn veggies (parsnips, carrots, sweet potatoes, mushrooms, onions, and maybe some asparagus for some green), mashed taters, gravy and rolls.  My mom has said that she'll bring dessert (pumpkin cream cheese pie)... YAY! 

Then Monday, we crash.  Thank heaven for long weekends! 

Lady Anxiety, Meet Mrs. Nerves

Good Evening Humble Readers...

When has a week ever gone by so slowly? 

Emotionally, I'm feeling more positive these days, as the m/s has re-emerged as my new diet plan.  Not to worry, I haven't lost any significant weight, but considering the crazy bloating, constipation, and water retention, I would think that I would be regaining all that I lost back in February and March.  As of this morning I have only gained a pound and a half.  And given my size, I can fluctuate three times that on any given day.  I guess there's not a lot of calories in crackers and watermelon.

I'm feeling more nervous now, rather than anxious (I know... there's a difference there?).  It's a bit more excited nerves.  But it's still affecting my sleep... I haven't slept a full night in bed in more than two weeks.  I wake up after a few hours to pee, and then my brain kicks in and I can't get back to sleep... so I end up watching NCIS reruns until I fall asleep on the couch.  My poor Beloved feels that I've abandoned him. 

At the suggestion of a lady on one of the message boards I frequent, I watched some 8wk ultrasound videos on YouTube.  I think it helps me to have something to visualize rather than replaying those times with the blank screen. 

I still have to get through Monday and most of Tuesday morning. I have several things on my to do list for tomorrow as distractions... clean the living room and kitchen, reorganize the linen closet (which I was going to do on Friday), and purge my share of the bookshelves.


36 hours and counting.

Perchance To Dream

Good Morning Humble Readers...

I have been having a fair number of wacky dreams lately.  I know that's par for the course during pregnancy, but it's still weird.  In all these dreams, I know I am pregnant, but not showing and feeling pretty good. 

First up, there was that one I told you about already, with the baby with the four eyes (very blue eyes).  Creepy to think about now, but in my dream it seemed ok, just different.  I was super happy and optomistic.  There was other stuff going on in that dream... an explosion or fire across the river in Manhattan (my dream took place in New Jersey) and a toxic cloud blowing toward the hospital we were in.  We had to evacuate, I fell on a slippery, newly waxed floor as we were going down the stairs.  But we all got out safely and all ended well.

Second, again I was in the US, I think I was in New York state.  I was wearing a purple dress that I owned many years ago.  The dream began with me in a large office... no cubicles, but a large open working space.  I was saying goodbye to everyone.  I was very happy.  I left the office and loaded up one of those teeny tiny mini motorcycles with my belongings and headed 'home'. 

(image courtesy of Google Images)

The road I was on reminded me of the Connector between Kelowna and the lower mainland in BC.  Winding, fast moving traffic, and instead of the toll booth, there was a border crossing.  I ended up having to walk through customs carrying my teeny tiny motorcycle and all of my belongings but I was happy.  There were also several spots where I found myself looking at my arms, specifically my inner elbow, and I could see where my blood had been drawn. 

Third... this time I was in Canada, in Alberta, in a car, heading south toward the border.  It was a glorious day.  Blue sky, warm breeze, green trees blowing past us (my Beloved was driving).  We weren't in our car (no Petey the PT cruiser), we were in a red sporty car.  The windows were rolled down and my arm was resting on the open window frame.  We were in a great mood.  We just drove and drove until we got to the border, which resembled the Peace Arch crossing near Vancouver.  I can clearly picture the gaurd and the buildings around the border crossing.  I don't know where we were heading, but we were relaxed and happy.

I know that dreams are just our unconcious' way of processing the days events, but these were just sooo vivid.  The colours, the images... the fact that I was travelling in all of them, the border crossings, even the focus on my arms in two of them... all seems like I should be getting something out of them.

Here Comes The Rain Again

Good Evening Humble Readers...

I don't want this post to sound whiny or attention seeking, but I need to acknowledge what I'm feeling in hopes of getting rid of it.

Humble Readers, today I'm scared. 

My symptoms have been slowly fading over the last couple of days.  Mostly I'm just tired with a bit of sore b00bs and nausea.  I was hardly hungry at all today, not even really bloated.  More like tww symptoms than pregnancy symptoms. 

The pharmacist warned me that the prometrium could affect my mood in a negative way, so maybe that's part of what I'm feeling.  I'm trying to stay objective and rational.

When I read this morning's email from the What To Expect website, about the halfling's development (about developing elbows and knees) it hit me that this is the last development email I read LAST TIME. 

And yes, I'm seeing those words, LAST TIME, in all caps.  It's like those words are floating around behind me, hitting me between the shoulder blades every now and then, just waiting to knock me down. 

One week... seven days... 168-ish hours...

I can do this... right?