Sunday Night Chit Chat: Before & During

Howdy Humble Readers...

A few days ago, Elana asked for some before and after pics of me and my weight loss.  I'm not going to call them before and after, because I'm not near "after" yet.  However, I will call them "during" pics.  I had some difficulty finding a picture to qualify as before... partly because I'm always the one behind the camera, and partly because I honestly hate pictures of me (due to my over abundance of me).  I'm going to give you a few befores...

December 2012 - had just started losing weight
About 305lbs

May 2012 - when I was 36wks pregnant with Pip.
No one at my church realized I was pregnant.
Around 312lbs. 

September 2009 - In NYC
I was 320lbs when we got home from that trip.

And now for a couple of durings...

Yesterday, at 255.8
(I've lost another pound since)
Like my new haircut?

Hadn't realized how baggy those pants were.  Ick!
I just bought them in April. 

I don't see a whole lot of a difference, yet.  Yeah, there's a difference between me now and me when I was almost full term pregnant, but people who saw me on a regular basis didn't even realize I was pregnant, so that says something about what kind of shape I was in.  I was at my heaviest just after our NYC trip, and I had yo-yo'd around between 280-310ish during/immediately following my pregnancies.  At the end of November 2012, what I consider to be the start of this weight loss journey, I was 309lbs.  As of this morning I'm 254.8lbs.  Woohoo! 

What I have noticed is that I have a lot more stamina.  I can walk a lot farther before I get tired, and my feet and legs don't ache like they used to.  I'm doing a squat challenge this month and I'm up to 190 squats (today's count).  My legs are much stronger now, and I can get up to the 140s or so before it starts getting challenging.  I can make the 3 or 4 trips out to the car to get the groceries and not be huffing even a bit. 

My blood sugars are great.  I'm hopeful that when I next go to the doc (early August) we'll be able to lower my dosage on both the metformin (for the Big D) and my lobetalol (for high blood pressure).  I'm really happy with my progress up to this point.  Now I just need to keep up my motivation. 

On to tonight's chit chat.  Here's what I'm ...

Reading - I had planned on reading the last in the Mitford series this week, but my hold at the library on the new Edward Rutherfurd book, Paris, came in and Mitford got bumped.  I'm not all that far into it yet, but that's the way it usually goes for me with his epic tomes. 

Watching - I'm recording Food Network Star for later in the week, along with the new reality competition show Whodunit.  Instead of watching regular tv, I'm going to watch an episode or two of Game of Thrones.  I'm really enjoying it (graphic violence and sexuality notwithstanding)... can definitely tell that it was inspired by LOTR.  Many similarities.

Listening To - Until just a minute ago, I was listening to my Beloved going through the bedtime rituals for the wee-lings.  Change clothes, brush teeth, story, "saying amens", and tucking in.  So sweet.

Cooking/Baking - Tonight was standard Sunday night fare... roast beef, taters, veg (zucchini and mushrooms).  My favourite meal from the last week was when I made roast beef Florentine paninis.  Roast beef, roasted red peppers, spinach, brie, and a garlic-horseradish mayo.  It was seriously yummy!

Happy I Accomplished This Week - Got my hair cut!!!  It's only been 6 months since my last cut, which is actually good for me.  I also coloured my hair last night.  (need to work on that skill a bit more... not entirely happy with the result)

Looking Forward to Next Week - The long weekend coming up.  Going through the wee-lings' dressers for another purge... and hopefully being able to make some money by selling some of their too-small clothes to the local consignment shop. 

Thankful For This Week - That the Shire escaped the flooding that has so ravaged the southern half of our province.  That, while the loss of property due to the flooding has been heart-breaking, there has been minimal loss of life. 

***Bonus Question*** What was your least favourite part and your most favourite part of the last week?  Least favourite... a disagreement my sister and I had about parenting philosophies.  Most favourite... yesterday morning.  I had gotten in my walk, we had gone to the farmer's market, and were home just hanging out.  It was so relaxing, and I commented to my Beloved on how GOOD (physically and emotionally) I was feeling. 

*****
This was posted as a part of Carla's Sunday Night Chit Chat.  Please click over and see what the others are chatting about tonight.

Wet

Hey Humble Readers...

According to Ginny, it's "drippin'" outside.  Big drips and little drips.  LOTS of drips. 

I don't know if you've heard, or if it would even get a mention on your news, but our province is in a serious situation.

For the past 24 hours, more than two thirds of our province (geographically speaking.  Probably three quarters of our population) have been under evacuation alert due to serious flooding.  The big city to the south has hundreds of thousands of people evacuated and there are sections of the Trans-Canada highway (THE major highway across Canada) that have been washed out.  I just heard on the news that the zoo in the big city to the south may be moving the big cats from the zoo there to the jail cells below the courthouse... crazy. 

Here in the Shire, we are fine.  The Shire declared a state of emergency last night.  Our river is likely going to crest at around noon today (four hours from now), but the way that our city was laid out means that very few homes or businesses will be endangered by the high waters.  Our primary concern is for the water treatment plant.  The hobbit-hole is well above the risk of flood, thank heaven. 

Rainfall has been breaking old records left and right.  The last major flood in the big city to the south was in 2005, and they are saying that the water levels are twice as high as they were then. 

Please send prayers and good thoughts for those who have had to leave their homes, and for the emergency responders and the military who have been called in to help.

Potty Training Woes

Hey Humble Readers...

I am a very frustrated hobbit. 

I'm frustrated primarily with myself.  And with all the people who I have listened to about how Ginny should be potty trained by now. 

(and yes, I admit, I am a tad frustrated with Ginny.)

This was our third go round of trying to get potty training started.  And again we crashed and burned. 

It's likely that I'm the one doing something wrong here, but honestly, I'm stuck for ideas.  Here's what I'm doing right now.

• I refuse to use pull-ups because they just don't make sense.  I have a bunch of the quilted, thick training pants for her. 
• I put her in her training pants right after breakfast.  She sits on the potty right away, and then every fifteen minutes thereafter, until after lunch (naptime).  She doesn't wear any jeans or shorts. 
• I push the salty snacks and fluids to make it so that she has to pee more often.
• I have moved the potty from the bathroom to the kitchen, so that she doesn't have as far to go.  This also helps as I need to be able to keep an eye on Pip. 
• I took her shopping for pretty 'big girl undies'.  She knows that she will get to wear them when she learns to go pee in the potty. 
• I printed off a couple of different charts and got some Hello Kitty stickers for her to use when she actually goes on the potty. 
• I give her a Smartie (like an m&m... it's a Canadian thing) every time she sits on the potty.  I've told her that she will get two smarties when she goes pee on the potty and three when she goes poop. 
• We sing songs and read stories while she's on the potty to keep her seated and relaxed. 
• We have tried "teaching" her stuffed puppy, Stanley, to go on the potty so that we can celebrate and go through the whole process.

And still... NOTHING.  Not a single drop in the potty. 

Repeatedly, she will sit on the potty for a while, then get up without doing anything.  Then, later, she will pee in her pants without even noticing.  Seriously, she doesn't notice that she's wet.

I'm getting really sick of cleaning up puddles.  And we don't have laminate or hard wood.  Just linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom, but we live in the living room.  Carpet.  *sigh*

I'm so angry with myself for being pushed into trying to start training her last summer.  It was ridiculous, but it's now set us up for this cycle of frustration and feeling like a failure (yeah, that's totally on me.  She seems oblivious, except for being irritated with having to interrupt playtime to go sit on the potty). 

I know that she's feeling my frustration.  How can she not?  A big part of me wants to pack it in until her birthday next November. 

Someone, anyone, please... tell me that this will happen.  That she won't be the only kindergartener still in diapers. 

(And I swear to heaven above, I won't even bother trying to start training Pip until he's 3!)

A Sputtering Spark

Howdy Humble Readers...

Almost two weeks ago, I read this post over at Too Many Fish To Fry, and I said "YES!  I NEED TO DO THIS!"  (Please take a moment and go read it.  It's awesome!)  I was smiling as I read it and I started to feel myself getting excited...

Spending the summer focussing on my dream.  On that thing that gets me excited.  Eight weeks to get out of this rut in which I seem to be stuck.  It sounded great, until...

WHAM!  It was like I ran straight into a plate glass window. 

What the hell is my dream? 

What do I get excited about these days?  I can tell you, not a whole heck of a lot. 

When I was 19, my dream was to go to college, get my degree in youth and family ministry and get a position in a church working with kids and teens and families.  I worked two full time jobs in order to save for school.  I went to college (one of the best experiences of my life), got my degree (and learned a LOT about myself and my faith), and made some great friends.  After graduation, I got a position in a church just as I had hoped, prayed, and dreamed.  That job transitioned into another position a continent away.  Unfortunately, I hadn't learned how to defend my personal boundaries, and I crashed and burned out after four years. 

So I moved home, not sure what was next.  Yes, with my parents.  And it was rather propitious that I did.  Later that year, my mom got lung cancer.  The jobs I worked at the time weren't what I would call dream jobs (my parents' office, a grocery store, and a Christian bookstore, although I'd always joked that if I ever left ministry I would likely work in a bookstore), my primary role in that timeframe was to look after my mom.  During those seven years, mom would develop and recover from five different types of cancer.  While it wasn't something I grew up dreaming about doing, taking care of my mom was important and I'm glad I was able to do it.

The year that Mom was recovering from lymphoma was the year I met my Beloved, and a different dream took hold.  Yes, of course, I had always hoped I would get married.  By this time I was 31, and statistically I was more likely to get hit by a bus than get married, so I wasn't sure anything would come of it, but I sure hoped.  That dream came true in a big way, and here we are a little over seven years from when we met, married and living a good life. 

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the hobbit with a baby carriage... Right?  That was the dream.  That was the plan.  Of course, we all know how that went.  Two losses in quick succession, and a diagnosis of recurrent pregnancy loss due to (primarily) a progesterone deficiency and (secondarily) advanced maternal age. 

IF/RPL took over my life.  I immersed myself in books, online forums, and of course the ALI community.  Like most dealing with IF, trying to conceive became the preeminent thing I thought about.  Taking my temperature every morning, watching for changes in my cm, scheduling our love life around the vagaries of my reproductive system, and then the dance of phantom symptoms that messed with my mind and my hopes month after month.  I ate, slept, and breathed the process. 

And miraculously, thankfully, we were blessed with our precious wee-lings.  I love being a mom.  I am completely thrilled that, while it's a challenge, we are able to make things work so that I can stay home with Ginny and Pip.  Being a mom isn't always fun, but it is rewarding.  And what I'm about to say in no way is meant to imply that I don't value being a stay at home mom. 

I think I've lost my dreams. 

Yeah, I have the vague ideas of stuff that I dream about.  A bigger home (where both wee-lings can have their own rooms, and we could have a second bathroom), travel with my Beloved (the UK, Europe, Africa, all around our beautiful continent), what my next 'career' might be when the wee-lings go to school. 

But I don't have anything that gets me excited, that inspires me, that gets my juices flowing. 

Yes, the weightloss thing is great.  I'm glad that I'm getting to a healthier weight and learning to control my blood sugars long term.  But it's a necessity, not a passion.  I'm never going to be a fitness junkie who talks about the beauty of the runner's high.

I love books and movies.  I get excited about upcoming releases (sometimes excessively so), but as soon as the book has been read or the movie watched the high of the anticipation fades. 

Cooking is fun, but I have never felt the inclination to do anything with it other than make good food that my family and I enjoy. 

Crafting is hit or miss for me.  Knitting never stuck.  Crochet and scrapbooking just don't work for me.  I can't draw.  Cross stitch can be enjoyable when my dyslexia isn't messing me up.  I'm not gifted in photography or music. 

Pinterest and Criminal Minds reruns have become my hobby.  And how very sad is that?

This state of affairs concerns me.  A lot.  I don't want to be one of those stay at home moms who loses themselves entirely into the world of 'home'.  I don't want to become my sister, who talks about the same things every day (the school doesn't open the doors early even when it's snowing/raining/windy, nobody had better mess up her clean kitchen, the amount of homework given to fifth graders is appalling, what a cow her MIL is, the other school-moms who drive big SUVs that they don't know how to park). 

I want to have something interesting to say, something that gets me fired up...

It goes beyond 'want'.  I NEED to be someone outside of being a mummy, for the sake of my children, my marriage, and myself.  But what the hell does that mean?  What does that look like in my life? 

Where did I put my 'spark of madness'?

I want to set some goals.  I want to see some progress being made.  I want to feel like I've accomplished something.  I just don't know what I'm working toward. 

Sunday Night Chit-Chat: Busy, Busy, Busy

Hey Humble Readers...

Did you have a good weekend?  Do anything fun? 

Ginny eating 'zert

Chocolate chin

On Friday night, my Beloved had a final exam in his most recent CGA course.  He was really happy when he got home because he felt that he did really well on the test.  He tried to tell me about some of the questions, but they are so beyond my level of understanding that my eyes just sort of glazed over.  Tomorrow he starts on course number three.  The text book is enormous! 

Ginny and I did some serious errand-doings on Saturday morning.  Tar.get (for some pretty big girl undies for Ginny... yes, we are going to give potty training another shot this week and the kind she wanted are only available at Tar.get), Wal.mart (a few odds and ends, some flower pots, and diapers), Home D.epot(paint chips for the bathroom and some plants) , and the butcher shop (extra special steaks for Father's Day dinner). 

Then, I raced around doing a few things at home because I had planned a surprise for my Beloved.  He's been working so hard lately, doing overtime and studying for his exam, so I thought some relaxation was in order.  I arranged for MIL to come up for the afternoon and evening so that we could go on a date.  We went to Starb.ucks, the bookstore, out for dinner, and to a movie (Star Trek - yes, I've seen it, but he hadn't and it was his choice.  Besides, Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto are yummy to look at ;) ). 

Today we decided to skip church in favour of having some quality time with the wee-lings.  I made a special breakfast (Spanish Omelette) and then he took Ginny for a walk this morning.  This afternoon I planted all the herbs and flowers I got yesterday (2 lavender, 2 basil, 3 thyme, and 1 gerbera).  We'll see how things go this year.  I don't have a great track record for keeping plants alive, but I have done well with lavender in the past. 

Like the title says... busy busy busy!

Now, dinner is in process so I have a minute to work on my chit-chat for this week.  Here's what I'm...

Reading - I finished The Art of Racing In the Rain by Garth Stein.  It was very good, just be prepared for a good cry.  I loved Enzo the dog's philosophical bent.  Now I'm almost finished Revenge of the Vinyl Café by Stuart McLean.  I adore Stuart McLean!  His stories are always funny and thoughtful and heartwarming.  Next up will probably be the last book in the Mitford series. 

Listening to - My Beloved playing with the wee-lings while they wait for dinner.  Current toy of choice is the Little People house.  Oh, now he's reading Puff the Magic Dragon for them.

Watching - Tonight I'll probably watch Food Network Star.  I got the first season of Game of Thrones from the library yesterday (yet another stop we made) and I might start watching that.

Cooking/Baking - A special dinner for Daddy!  Steaks with compound butter, double-stuffed-twice-baked potatoes, asparagus, mushrooms & onions.  Dessert is an eclair ice-box cake... layers of graham crackers & vanilla pudding with whipped cream topped with chocolate sauce.  I'm only going to have a teeny tiny piece, and the rest will go to work with my Beloved tomorrow. 

Happy I Accomplished This Week - Managing to keep last night a surprise for my Beloved, 50 pounds, eating out yesterday and keeping my blood sugars well in line.

Looking Forward to Next Week - going for a haircut!

Thankful For Today - My Beloved.  For the blessing he is to me and the wee-lings.  He's so patient, and gentle with them (and me too).  He works so hard to support our family.  I don't even want to think what my life would be like if I had never met him. 

***Bonus Question*** Do you have any summer weddings to attend?  Nope.  We do have a surprise anniversary party my Beloved's brother T and his wife.  They've been married for 30 years.  Woohoo!

*****
This was posted as a part of Carla's Sunday Night Chit Chat.  Click over to see what the others are chatting about tonight!