Friday, April 22, 2011

Hobbit-ish Potpurri: A Few Little Bits

Howdy Humble Readers...

Thank you so much for all your kindness and comments on my last post.  I think that actually 'saying' it aloud has been a big first step.  It's going to take some time, but I know this too wil pass. 

Here's a rundown on a few things from the last month or so...

My Beloved and I celebrated our 4th anniversary.  On the actual day, I made a fancy supper (salmon, mushroom risotto, roasted asparagus, creme brulee) and fell asleep after my second glass of wine.  Romantic, huh?  Then, the following weekend, we left Ginny with one of Beloved's co-workers, and went out for dinner and a movie.  It was nice to be out, just the two of us, but it was the longest that I've been away from our wee girl, so I had a few challenging moments.

My parents came for a quick visit a couple weeks ago, and Dad installed a reverse osmosis water purifier for us in the kitchen.  No more wasting money on Br.ita filters for us!  It was so nice to see them, even if it was only for a day.  Ginny played shy with her Mama & Papa for a few minutes, but soon was showing off her prettiest smiles and sweetest laughs.  It was great to watch her interact with them.

I have officially finished my first postpartum cycle.  I started temping as soon as AF showed up the first time because I wanted to see if things had changed at all.  I know that things are potentially going to be messed up for a while, but I will admit that I was super frustrated trying to figure out when I O'd.  According to my temps it may have been on CD18 but according to my CM it was on CD22 (both are much later than I usually O... yup, I'm one of those b!tches who O's right around CD14).  So, you may be asking yourself why am I stressing about when I O'd, first time out of the gate... well, I'm concerned because if I really did O on CD22, then my luteal phase was only 10 days long, and kids, that's a problem.  I've been back on my B vitamins for more than a month and they obviously didn't help.  Given the length of time and bumps in the road we had to get to Ginevra, I don't want to waste any time getting things sorted out for when it comes time to be really trying for Halfling 2.0.

Ginny went for her 4 month shots just over a week ago.  It went well, and she was only fussy for about 24 hours.  She weighed in a 14 lb 6 oz and about 25 inches long.  And she's solidly in the 50th percentile on all the growth charts.  She's super close to doing so many things... she can almost roll over (gets about 75% of the way over on her own) and she can sit propped up on the couch for a few minutes before she topples over.  She is responding occasionally to her name, and she's much better about tummy-time.  She doesn't laugh a lot, but when she does it makes my whole day bright.  Since her shots, she seems to be sleeping a bit more during the day than she had been, although that may just be coincidental as I think she's gone into another growth spurt.  She's up to eating close to 8 ounces of formula at most of her feedings, and sleeps super great at night.  Have I mentioned how blessed we are?  I'll post recent picks soon...

I'm counting yesterday as a good day.  I walked for a half hour while listening to some of my favourite boy band music.  Showered before 9am (didn't do a blessed thing with my hair, but hey, baby steps right?).  Read for close to an hour this afternoon while Ginny played with her toes and dozed.  Yes, there was a brief teary stretch this morning, and watched too much tv, but all in all it was a good start.  This morning's walk wasn't quite as enjoyable (stiff knees and backache) as yesterday but I'm glad I went.

Today we're heading to spend some time with wee little Thor.  It's actually an open house to give a lot of people a chance to meet him now that he's been given the all clear by his pediatrician and is well past his EDD.  It's been over a month since we've seen him, so I'm excited to see how much he's grown.  Now I just need to find a cute outfit that actually fits our wee girl... There's going to be a whole bunch of people there, she needs to be looking her best. :)

It's going to take me a while to get caught up on all you lovely people... so, tell me, what's been the highlight of your last month?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Hello Out There?

Hello Humble Readers...

Thank you so much to those of you who have been nudging me to show my face again.  Sadly, I'm a dope and didn't get the messages until I signed into blogger tonight for the first time in almost a month, due to the privacy settings I set up ages ago. 

So, where have I been?  Where to begin?

The best description is that I have been in denial.  I am fairly certain that I have been dealing with some late-onset post partum depression.  Honestly, I think AF making her reappearance was what triggered it.  I have been a hormonal mess for more than a month, and I'm sick to death of it. 

I can honestly say that Ginevra and my Beloved are the shining lights in my life right now.  But other than meeting their needs (and sometimes only on a very basic level... my poor Beloved!) I haven't had energy for much else. 

Bad days find me stuck on the couch, crying over the fact that I can't seem to keep our house clean, even though I'm home all day.  My most recent round of pms found me bawling my eyes out when Beloved asked me when dinner would be ready.  Honestly, I have felt like a lame-ass excuse for a wife and mother. 

Good days still involve the couch and sometimes a few tears, but at least I'm able to get a few things done.  Mostly, tho, I end up wasting time online playing stupid games on FB and zone out.

(I want to say, that within all of this Ginny hasn't been neglected.  She has never gone hungry or alone or anything.  She gets fed, bathed, played with, and generally well taken care of.  It's just the spirit with which some of these things are being done is less than happy or content.)

I still don't get out of the house much, which I know is a HUGE part of what's going on in my head & heart.  I go grocery shopping & to church on the weekend, but other than that, I barely leave these four walls.  I know that I am in control of that part of my life, but as much as I want to, I haven't had the energy to do anything about it. 

The straw that broke the camel's back, as it were, was a few days ago Ginny really made me laugh.  I think it was the first time I had laughed in more than a week (probably longer).  It hurt my heart to think that she hasn't heard her mommy laugh in that long. 

So, I'm attempting to make some changes. 

Starting tomorrow morning, I am planning on going walking when I get up.  I always wake up at least an hour before my Beloved gets up, and usually just take up my position on the couch and doze or watch tv.  Instead, I'm going to get my ass dressed and out of the house.  The snow is melting (FINALLY!) and most of the sidewalks are clear of ice and puddles, so I won't have the fear of falling and hurting myself as an excuse.  Beloved has taken to doing Ginny's wake-up diaper change, and it is something he enjoys, so it's not going to add to his morning routine. 

I'm going to turn off the tv.  I think part of my problem is that I just sit.  I am a sad sad couch potato.  I can tell you what's on tv at any given hour of the day.  I hate that Ginny is getting used to having the tv on all the time, and that I don't read any more. 

I am going to limit my online time for the next while, and I really want to use what time I do spend online to reconnect with my bloggy friends. 

And as pathetic as this sounds... I am going to shower every day before 10am.  I can't begin to express how embarassed I am to have to put that in writing, but it's where I'm at right now. 

So that's where I'm at.  It's not pretty.  But I'm trying.